Wednesday, December 16, 2015

I Think my Marriage is a Scam!

Am at a cross road right now. I think my marriage is a scam! First when I met my husband he was in Enugu prison and we met through social media. We got talking and after an attempt to scam me was faulted by me then he came out clean and we started dating for real. As time went on he was discharged and acquitted from prison and we continued.
After some days he came to join me in Lagos and everything started well and one thing lead to another, we did our traditional marriage. After some days he travelled out and everything was fine.
After nine months abroad he came back and stayed in Nigeria for eight months and went to another country to find life. Now my issue is that my hubby promised to come back this December but her refused to come back, he has refused me going to his village for the Christmas saying we will go in a grand style.
Note I know his parents and family and they are very kind to me but the problem I have is that I feel my hubby isn't ready for marriage yet.
He has no legitimate source of income(yahoo yahoo) and when I advised him to quit he will ask me what will he now be doing? I really want him to go back to school(he was rusticated when he was arrested then) and the most annoying part was that he has refused to do the court registry for us to prepare our travelling document.
He told me that he won't do it because if we divorce I will take part of his property. So I think he married thinking he could exploit me but since he wasn't seeing anything like that then he wants out.
Please I really want to leave him. Most people think he was a scam and I feel he was just wasting my time as well. Am 32 now so I need to start 2016 with a new identity. Please give your candid advice. If I were your sister what would you say.

Well painfully you are already married and what I feel that you may need to do is sit down with your husband and figure out how you want your marriage to work instead of complaining about the things you already knew before you got married to him unless you are saying that he deceived you into getting married to him. 
From your mail, everything was going fine before one thing lead to another and if you ask me, I would say that he wasn't a scam because you were in love with him before you got married to him. 
Now that you know his weaknesses, the first thing you may need to consider is getting yourself a means of livelihood and work so that you don't have to depend on him for everything you need. 
When he sees that you are industrious and passionate about what you are doing, probably he will come back and support you in the business. 
Secondly I don't think that going back to school may solve the problems in your marriage because of the financial implications of such investment, instead of going back to school, he may decide to learn a skill or two and prepare himself to become an independent service provider and that will make him stand out and be financially capable to meet the needs of your home.. 
Finally I would suggest that you work with him and encourage him to work towards getting a document or other evidence that you are married to him so that both of you can travel together and enjoy your matrimony instead of leaving you to suffer from emotional negligence.
He needs your prayers and encouraging words knowing where he started and how far he has gone at the moment. He is fighting a battle against poverty and struggles though in a deceptive and manipulative way.
I know that you are not comfortable with what is happening at the moment but I will suggest that you give your heart to make your marriage work, pray that God will reveal his purpose for this marriage and open your heart to help him become a better man and husband. 
Commit everything to God and seek his face before deciding whether you still want to remain married to him or wish to end the marriage with him. 


  1. This is painful...
    Not your experience dear poster...Your action and decision is so painful...
    Why marry a guy with the hope to change him even after the signs you saw?
    Even after all his attempts to scam you?
    Even upon knowing he survives with internet fraud?
    What happened to you?
    You bargained for this madam...
    I feel desperation got a better part of you..
    You don't sow maize expecting to harvest beans..
    You got yourself into this..
    I'm lost for words..
    Well...if you can, quit this game you call marriage and reorganize your life..

  2. I don't see anything painful here. U knowingly marry a scammer and u are crying foul here. Atimes I don't just understand how some ppl reasons

  3. You need more patience if you want to help him to change even you know he was in prison and after we got married that means you love because less ladies don't accept to wed as you did. You have to praise the Lord only him can help you to solve this issue my advice you need to pray more even fasting and watch Him handle your life everything is going to be right.... Your husband is able turn out to the right side as you want. You know what is wrong so your marriage is not a scam trusts me my dear pray more and less talk and watch the changing comes pretty soon.

  4. I am wondering what you want people to advise you. You saw the signs and knew who he was,because from your write up you knew all these things before you got married but you thought he would change. Rather you thought you could change him. Truth is changing a man to marry him or marrying to change him is the most catastrophic thing a woman can ever do to herself. As it stands the damage has been done and there is no need weeping over spilled milk cause you cant drink it anymore. You have to come to face the reality of what is at hand.I may sound mean but fasting and praying for him to change isn't all you need. Sometimes as Christians we want to tell God our plans and let Him work with that, when it is supposed to be the reverse.
    my advise is that you go to God in prayer ask Him for mercy, be sincere with Him and tell Him you have made a mistake and let Him deal with you first. As it stands you need to work on yourself first like madam Amara has advised ,get busy,learn a skill or trade, go and work. Too often we want to change others when we ourselves need to change.Work on your attitude.
    When you have done that you can ask the marriage counselors like madam Amara on what to do as regards your marriage and how to make it work or not. whilst you pray for him to change you are also changing. I am not married yet and I don't think i am in the best position to advise you on your marriage. Shalom


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