Saturday, December 26, 2015

I'm Scared of Great Opposition!

Good evening ma. I really want to appreciate your good works. I am the last child in a family of five :two girls and three boys. My upbringing has been stiff and godly. Please I will be very grateful when you reply.
Am 27 years from Enugu and he is 33 years from Aba ngwa. I met him when I went for NYSC. He was all I wanted in a man. We have been communicating although I went back to my base Lagos while he is still there in one of the North eastern states. He respects me and despite my weaknesses he still stands firm.
He requested that he wanted to bring his people to see my parents. I accepted and told my eldest siblings , they objected seriously. I was opportuned to travel home and that's where my parents based and I opened up, my dad accepted but my mum declined bluntly. I don't want to get pregnant behind to get them to accept by force.
I have prayed and I believe I have peace in my heart despite where he hails from, I believe yes they have the stigma but time has grown past all that was, besides no place or tribe despite their extreme goodness is void of one or two dents. While discussing the second time with my parents, my mom screamed at my dad if he knew what he was talking about by giving me consent to go that far. She asked him to call his brother to hear the matter, my uncle and my dad's friends came around and they deliberated that it was not that bad and time has gone past such traditions.
They kind of objected at his source of income, cos he is into poultry farming, although he was deported from Europe cos of expired papers. He still has plans of doing importation of cars in due course. But they said poultry business cannot fend us for too long. The issue is I need their support and my elder sister who called to check up on them was told about the latest development and she said I was a disappointment since I can't let him go knowing where he hailed from and that they have frowned at it before I traveled to tell my parents and for letting the matter get to the extended family already at this stage.
That what am I rushing for at my age of which I checked the statement over, deep down I know am not desperate and I remember her mother in law hails from that side. And she stood her grounds and even took in for her husband who is from Mbaise just to be with her love. Hmmmm.
My suitor said he is going to sign undertaking if that was what they wanted to prove that I'm in safe hands.
He doesn't want to let go of me and I truly love him.
The meeting of those elders would be on Monday to conclude that was after they said my mom and dad and I should pray and seek God's face. I have been praying. I am just scared of the outcome and great opposition. Please help me get on my faith line stronger.

Sometimes those can be the test of how much you are willing to endure to be with the man that you love. The truth is that every tribe and community have one thing that others may not be comfortable with but using it as a yardstick to judge an individual isn't the best approach. 
However this will be an opportunity for you to make proper enquiries about his family, culture and the tradition of his community because no matter how long you stay with him in the city, something will take you to his village sometimes in your journey with him. 
Your mum and siblings could be reacting to what they experienced or heard about them and this will also give you a better opportunity to discuss with your partner and agree on some sensitive issues of their tradition. 
Take for instance, there are some communities where when the husband is dead, the wife is stripped of all that belongs the husband and left to cater for her children with bare hands while her in laws enjoy his wealth. 
There are also some communities where when the husband is dead, the wife is transferred as an inheritance to the brother of the husband. These are not in the past as some people are still practising such tradition but it will help you to know what and how to navigate through such paths. 
Something like buying properties together and writing a will will address some of those ills and not leave the wife to suffer in the trying times of your journey. 
So not see your mother and sister as an opposition because they may be trying to protect you from getting into a spot that may not be good for you and your family. 
I am glad that your partner is supportive and willing to make some sacrifices to protect you and also encourage you not to give up, and most importantly your dad's support will go a long way to persuade your mum to bless you and your partner. 
For the fact that he's a poultry farmer doesn't in anyway mean that he cannot take good care of you and your need and I don't want you to despise him or feel that he cannot take care of your needs because of his present position. 
All you need to do is support him and encourage him never to give up on his vision. Pray for him and help him to maximise his resources so that he can expand his business and be independent. 
So don't panic or worry if you are convinced and comfortable with his personality and vision in life, don't use pregnancy to convince your mum rather use prayers and patience. 
You need not argue anything with them, listen, meditate and pray that God will convince everyone that he's not a murderer but a man who has the vision to make you part of his life and destiny in all his endeavours. 
Cheer up and be positive,the outcome of the meeting will be favourable for you and your partner in Jesus name Amen. 


  1. Excellent response amara, you are full of wisdom. Before now I used to wonder where u get your answers to each issue from but I forgot that truly when God gives one a vision,he makes provision. Indeed this is your calling no doubt and God is solidly with you all the way. Congratulations .

  2. Am from aba ngwa (abia state). Their is nothing wrong with my people.we don't have fetish traditions, we don't eat or kill people. Enugu, wawa people are condemning others. Abeg go and marry nothing will happen to u.ur parents are achiac people, no insult meant.but pls you and ur family shouldn't insult my people. Ndi ara

  3. Amara Well Said. I hardly comment even though I read your threads, but I wouldn't know why I am writing on this. My Dear Writer, added to what Amara had said, pls make sure you and this guy you are talking of marrying are genuinely saved. Why? Because no Union in itself is 100% Excellent or blessed except that which the Author of marriage which is God has instituted. Again, I tell you this as a married man, The advices of Parents and Relatives are very key in the choice of a Life Partner, however having said that, the decision is squarely yours to take. If you love this guy- then with the support of God, this can work. It's Simple- you guys should be as transparent as water to each other, communicate without any kind of reservations, be each other shoulder, create a strong bond but not necessarily involving in sex. Be there for one another and you the lady, you have got in you a convincing power, you know your mom and siblings very well more than me writing now, pls call them and with sincerity of heart and conviction of purpose, make them know you know what you are doing, promise them, it's going to work out. Make them understand that nothing will go wrong and I can assure you, when they see you sincerity of purpose, they aren't stones, they will come around in the mighty name of Jesus. May the Almighty God perfect all that concerns you in Jesus name


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