Thursday, December 3, 2015

My Past Hunts Me Everyday!

Good morning ma, I have been following your page for quite some time now and I must say that you are a blessing to many people.
Am a 24 years old graduate... ma I need your advice please. Ma relationship hasn't been working for me, from my first to the recent break up.
My first boyfriend got me pregnant and he stopped picking my calls. When I confronted him he told me to abort it, he took me to one of his brothers for some pills and injection but it never worked.
Even his brother made passes on me about sex which I turned him down.. Ma this kept going on and on till I got tired of the whole situation so I gave up on everything because I was in my first year and I travelled to my village to stay with granny for a while before travelling to Lagos.
On reaching to the village I got seriously ill, my granny found out after two days I took her and my uncle to the guy's elder brother's house. My granny asked if he knew me, he said he has seen me before when his younger sister intervened he accepted that we dated but he lied that he never knew I was pregnant.
I wanted to give up my life because I knew I was a disappointment to God and my family,I cried day and night! When we left his house he never called, the next day I started bleeding, I called my granny and she rushed me to the nearest hospital where I was admitted for two weeks.
By then I was seven months due, all the time I spent in the hospital he only called me once but I never cared anyway because all I felt for him was hatred for denying that he never knew I was pregnant.
I gave birth at the seventh month to a baby girl, it was hell for me. I told him that I had a miscarriage because he denied me. To cut the lengthy story short my little girl was taken to a motherless baby's home when she was a day old, my parents were not in Nigeria and I couldn't take care of her because of my studies, so my dad paid a nurse to be looking after her. Two years later the same guy that denied that little girl sent me a threatening message that if anything should happen to his child I told him I lost that I won't find it funny.
I had no idea how he got to know that she survived. I replied him that he has no child with me, that I lost the baby because of him. He pleaded with me to accept him back which I refused because I couldn't forgive him for what he did.
Today he's begging for forgiveness the next day he's talking about the child I lied to him about!! I stopped taking his calls cos I wouldn't want such person to be anywhere near my little girl..
This kept going on and on so I involved my elder cousin, she warned him never to send such messages to me anymore. Ma because of this I think I lost interest in men, I became something else.. in the process of being careful and not being heartbroken I push them away!
They said that am rude, that I allowed my beauty to get to my head. I met someone recently but it has been from one issue to another, I tried my best to ignore the brawls but its not just possible for me.
I get angry easily, I snap back once am being told what I don't like. As it stands now I don't have a serious date, I find it difficult to get intimate with someone.
Ma I need help, I know I have a problem and I don't know how to stop it.. The mistakes I made in the past is tearing me apart! I want to make it stop! Please help me.
Ma before I forget, I was having a conversation with the guy I met recently and it lead to girls that gave birth out of wedlock and he said he can never have anything to do with such girls, do you think I should still go ahead and tell him or should I keep it to myself?  Because I don't have strong feelings for him.
Thank you in anticipation ma, God bless you as you touch souls. I'll be looking forward to your advice.

Why make your life complex and complicated when you can actually make it easier and less stressful than its currently is. 
Let me start with your pretty daughter, is she dead? Did you really miscarry her? Why are you wishing her dead and treating her as though she was not created in the image and likeness of God and she doesn't deserve the best in life? 
Do you wish her dead and why do you hide her presence in your life? Do you have any idea how much she's worth to this universe? 
Please I am pleading with you not to see your daughter as a hindrance to your happiness but see her as part of your beauty and happiness in life irrespective of the perception and pains and the disappointments that her presence may brought to your life. 
Instead of lying to her father about her existence, call him and let him know the truth not because he did well but because your daughter deserves to know about her father and her roots. 
That will help him to know that he has great responsibility to his daughter and as such will have to send his support for the upkeep of the child. 
I know that you are still hurting as a result of his attitude towards you when you needed him most but how do you hope to find everlasting joy and fulfilment in life when you have held your ex hostage in your heart with all bitterness and hatred. 
We can only find joy when we let go of those who may have offended us and have made us weep in pain and disappointment. 
Yes it's difficult to let go but dear if you could embrace the love of God on the Cross of Calvary when you offended him and made God feel bad about your relationship to him, please remember that God has given you the privilege to also forgive him not because he's deserving but because forgiving him will set you free from living in pains. 
Kindly ask God to give you the grace to forgive him, and then openly confess that you have forgiven him and when you have done that,please contact him and let him know that you have forgiven him and that he has a baby girl with you. 
Let him know what is happening in the life of your daughter and let him know what you need to take care of your daughter.
That you had a child with him doesn't mean that you must get married to him or that you will continue the relationship with him. 
He can take good care of his child without having any relationship with you and there is no need hiding your personality before any man. If you opened up to God and he accepted you for who you are, please be yourself and pray for a partner who will accept you for who you are and not the one you have to lie to impress. 
Any relationship built with lies and deception will always end up in disappointments, regrets and shame. 
Please do not be discouraged by the experiences of your past for they are what made you a stronger, wiser, more discerning and emotionally prepared for the challenges of life, relationship and marriage. 
For now I would suggest that you make friends with those who appreciate your personality and please do not be kind enough with your body, I guess you understand why but let your purpose be to grow in understanding your personality and the personality of those around you. 
Share ideas and opinions with those who appreciate you and then invest your time to equip yourself with the necessary skills and virtues that you need to excel in life. 
Look  back from where you began and be grateful for the way God has supported you and helped you overcome those stormy moments of your life. 
Look forward to where God is taking you and embrace his love and wisdom trusting him to perfect all that concerns you. 
With him, there is no need to be worried or afraid of tomorrow because he's too faithful to disappoint you. 
I am happy that you gave that innocent daughter the privilege to live and experience life and I know that God will give you the privilege to be loved and to experience fulfilling marriage on earth. 


  1. Wooooooooooooooow. Who is this Amara van lare. God will bless u for the breath taking advice. A mother indeed

  2. Wowww what an advice.... Very very rich advice May God bless u wit more wisdom....


Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)