Thursday, December 3, 2015

I Hate Him Now!

Good morning ma. I was the woman that sent you a mail four months ago (Read More) that my husband slept with anything in skirt and he made seven attempts to sleep with his brother's girlfriends while I was in school and made an attempt to sleep with my younger sister by touching her boobs and private part anytime am not inside.
His brother(not biological) was squatting with him here in Lagos while I was running my degree program in another state and only visited when I was on break.
Many people thought I got married to because of his money, because I said he bought a car for me....but I got married to my husband when he had nothing. It was after our traditional marriage that he rented a single room(not self contain I was sharing the toilet with other tenants) and I packed in.
Although he got a job before our traditional marriage, it was a distance relationship so I never noticed anything about his womanizing lifestyle and how he used to convince me that he will never sleep with another woman.
A month after our wedding , we took an oath (which I have been praying and fasting for over three years now for God to forgive me because I never knew the implications of what I was involving myself in and I believe God has set me free)that anybody that slept with another person should have an accident and die at the spot.
So that made me to trust him with all my heart but like they said,nothing is hidden under the sun until that faithful day.
Some said I was too small and all that... My husband then was looking younger than his age while I was looking older than my age. Nobody forced me to get married like I said earlier.
I made a convenant with God that I will not sleep with any man that is not my husband and the temptation was getting too much so I decided to get married.
Our marriage was heaven on earth until I found out he was cheating on me. I tried all I could to adhere to the advice that you gave me but the fact is that I don't love my husband again.
I HATE HIM now more than ever before. There was just no day I will not think about what my sister told me. I think divorce is all I want now which he doesn't want to give in to. I told his uncle everything and he told me to give him last chance but he is still doing it.
I went through his phone yesterday and saw all sort of rubbish there but it doesn't move me a bit because my heart is not with him again. I want to give another man a try and feel what I have denied myself these four years plus which is love.
Aunty Amara,I do pray to God to give me a heart to forgive this man who is not even remorseful of his sins but................ Let me stop here,you ain't in my shoes so you won't know how it feels.
Aunty I prefer to sell pure water and take care of my kids than stay with a man who don't have single respect for me.

Nobody else will understand how it feels to experience what you are experiencing in your marriage but one thing that I know is that even when it doesn't feel right to remain married to a partner, God is still able to restore that which is already shattered and broken. 
I know that you have gotten to the breaking point of your journey in this marriage and all that you feel is the best alternative to your pains is divorce but what becomes the fate of your children, and your future? What made you feel that the next man on the rack wouldn't be worse than your husband who is cheating on you? 
How do you hope to start again? How do you hope to meet the needs of your children and still be happy without over stressing yourself? 
Though things may have gotten so bad, if you look at the man and the experiences that have bonded you and your husband together, you may find a reason to try again. 
Nobody can give accurate answers to why he chose to humiliate you in the manner in which he did but please do not be in a haste to rush out,but take some time to seek the face of God. 
He forgave you when you made him shed tears and made him regret creating humanity. 
He forgave you even when you forgot him and treated him as though he was nobody. 
He fought for you even when you were giving up and you felt that you could do it on your own. 
He was there, yes even when you thought of giving up on him. 
Your husband did something terrible but if you cannot find a place in your heart to forgive your husband, how do you hope to be happy to find happiness in a relationship with another man? 
If you don't forgive your husband, how will you take care of his children and not be choked by the pains and disappointments of their father? 
Though it hurts to know that he could sleep with your sister but if only you can give up your heart to Jesus, maybe you will find hope to forge ahead in your marriage or at least find the courage to think of how best to manage the situation and also take care of your children. 
Whether you decide to continue with the marriage or not, you owe all humanity the gift of selfless love and one of the ways to express such love is by forgiving those who hurt you and made you break down. 
I am already praying for you and I hope God will help you make a better decision on what you need to do in this critical moment of your journey. 

1 comment:

  1. Omeili Ogechukwu RuthDecember 4, 2015 at 7:48 AM

    Thanks so much for this beautiful response Amara. May the Lord increase your greatness. My dear sister, pray, pray and pray. There is no marriage without challenges. Stay with your husband and weather this storm. Complete happiness will come when you have overcome, you will be happy, as well as your kids. Please, don't divorce him....God hates it. Be strong, and watch how God change that man, your husband will come to worship you and think he is eternally indebted to you. Didn't the bible say that the heart of the king is in the hands of the Lord?


Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)