Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Can't Believe He's not Showing Up Anymore!

Thanks for the opportunity to receive advice from you.
I met a man through a company my company works with. Though we started talking on phone because he was in offshore, he asked to see me when he returned. When he got back we met, after a while he asked for my hands in marriage. I took him to my pastor and told my mum and sister about it. They asked that I should go see his people before I do anything. But before I travelled with him to see his people I observed a particular customer care representative in the bank my company uses, the lady would call in and out of season.
When I asked him about her he said he opened an account with them and that's why she kept calling and that she knows about me. I kept calm, we travelled, met his people they accepted me, on our way back we were in the vehicle when the lady sent a text that she was pregnant he was shocked and said the message wasn't for him we called and the lady confirmed it was for him. I called off the relationship told my mum and pastor that it was over, he pleaded with them and told me he had found out she wasn't pregnant and just wanted money.
I forgave him and we went on with our church counselling and later did our introduction hoping to get married in October last year but due to finances we couldn't do the wedding as planned cos his company was out of work for a while. Some months back I travelled to Lagos for a training and on my return I noticed a particular girl's over bearing calls and chats which he would always delete and when I asked, he told me she was a friend of the house which within me I knew was not true because I've met some of his female freinds and he keeps their calls and chats open but this particular girl, he wouldn't take her calls in my presence and would delete her chats.
I confronted him and said he should introduce me to the lady if he doesn't his heart wasn't clean but he refused. To cut the long story short I told him I was tired and wanted out just to see if he would sit up and face our wedding plans since we've even started buying things rather for days he avoided me and when I got to his place on a Christmas day I noticed he wore the suit we bought for our wedding to Christmas service claiming he had no new clothes to wear during the festivities and that I didn't care enough to buy him something that period he was out of work.
Meanwhile there are even materials I made for him during our introduction I collected one and there are two remaining with the tailor all I needed was a some cash to collect the clothes. Then I knew he was really up to something. Meanwhile the girl in question is a member of his church, I went through some of her photos on Facebook to my greatest surprise I saw I ring that looks looked the ring we bought for our wedding though I didn't confront him on that cos it's on a picture and I'm not too sure but I strongly believe it was it cos it was my hand I used to size the ring and I'm almost sure it was the ring cos she posted those pictures in the midst of these problems.
I reported the matter to his pastor and he told them categorically that he was not longer interested in the wedding they asked us to go pray so we don't make decisions in the flesh. We came back on the 1st of January again and he yet told them he was not longer interested. I also noticed that I called his eldest sister and she doesn't take my calls, I sent her compliment of the season message yet no response.
I'm shocked and dumbfounded at her attitude and his too ever since then they've not spoken to me. My mum tried talking things over between us but he seems not to give a consent. It pains me that I have involved my family and my church to this extent.
Please I need your advice....
Thanks.


Praise God!!! It sounds crazy that I said that but I will still repeat myself, praise God!!! 
Sometimes God uses near misses to prevent us from experiencing a lifetime of misery but for us, we weep, wail and worry why it didn't work out as we planned it. 
Let me give you some clues, for a lady to frame an "innocent man" as being responsible for a pregnancy, there must have been some sexual intimacy. The question is what if you were married to this man, how would you have coped with his love for strange women? 
Maybe by now I would have been encouraging you to pray and endure while we hope that God transforms his heart and habit.
The mistake you made was rushing a man you had no idea of his identity, his personality and his weaknesses as an individual to your parents and the pastors without even taking your time to pray and find out who he was. 
I guess his place of work impressed your heart much more than his personality and attitude as an individual. Since he has categorically said that he was no longer interested in getting married to you, kindly bid him goodbye and pick up the pieces of yourself and move on. You didn't lose anything so do not dwell in this point as though you lost God in your life. 
Wish him well in all his endeavours, pick up everything you left of the relationship, give him the dress that you made for him, return every traces of him in your life back to him and pray that God will bless his marriage and prosper his family. 
You need to understand that God doesn't hate you because he never allowed you to marry him, he is actually preventing you from getting married to a potential liability, ingrate and emotionally immature man as your husband. 
All things works together for your good to them who believe in God and are called according to his purpose. 
Cheer up and look up, God is up to something that will marvel your heart. Do not lose hope or feel sorry for what you experienced, there is a glory ahead of your story.

7 comments:

  1. Pls were u really planning to marry this guy?
    He is obviously a womanizer!!
    He met you and proposed and ur head accepted, without getting to know him better?
    Gush!!! Are u desperate?
    Thank ur stars the shame stopped here.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pls were u really planning to marry this guy?
    He is obviously a womanizer!!
    He met you and proposed and ur head accepted, without getting to know him better?
    Gush!!! Are u desperate?
    Thank ur stars the shame stopped here.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You need to go for Thanksgiving this year. The Lord loves you so much. You know nothing about this man. He is not only a chronic liar, he is a cheat and a low lifer. Don't worry, I know it hurts, all your friend s thought you were already taken. It's only a matter of time your wound will heal. For the unrepentant man and his new girl, an igbo adage says "Ihe gara bee oke ga aga bee ngwere." what goes to the rats house will go to the lizards abode. She will see all you saw.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  5. My dear girl! A bad relationship is better than a bad marriage! Put it all behind you and move on to better things. He lied to you about everything! ! His job, his sexual escapades with numerous women and most of all his financial status. He has seen that you're not entirely the easy person he can control and lie to that was why he called the whole thing off. So please my dear, keep an open and mind, a wise eye and a good listening ear for God's right man for you. Beware of fake Christians parading themselves as husband wife materials. Do you hear?? Be wise!

    ReplyDelete
  6. My dear girl! A bad relationship is better than a bad marriage! Put it all behind you and move on to better things. He lied to you about everything! ! His job, his sexual escapades with numerous women and most of all his financial status. He has seen that you're not entirely the easy person he can control and lie to that was why he called the whole thing off. So please my dear, keep an open and mind, a wise eye and a good listening ear for God's right man for you. Beware of fake Christians parading themselves as husband wife materials. Do you hear?? Be wise!

    ReplyDelete

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