Thursday, January 14, 2016

Don't See any Future with Him!

Good morning Ma, thanks for the good work you're doing, more grace to you. Please I need your advice because this issue is making me go crazy. I met my current boyfriend on 2go then in 2012. I was 19 then. It was and still is a distance relationship, he was in school then but I was still looking for admission and our communication was always on 2go ,Facebook and calls until December 2013 when he finally came to see me in Abuja because he resides and schools in the East (he's Igbo by tribe and I'm Yoruba).
We had nice time together sex exclusive because we never had such in our agenda. He's great guy and so understanding but in 2014 he just said he wanted space, I asked why but no reasonable reason was given. I was so hurt that it was God's grace that saw me through my semester exams that time( finally got admission that year).
Later in 2014 he came begging after seven months, I had begged, prayed hoped and called for those months but no changes he practically deleted me on WhatsApp other medias. There's a family friend of mine who had been my close friend years before I even met my boyfriend, always saying he wanted to date me but he meant not more than a friend to me and dating him was impossible for me though our parents would have loved the idea. I remembered then when I and my boyfriend had issues, he'll pray we break up so he'll take over.
My guy was still in school but the other guy had graduated and job hunting plus we stayed few houses apart. Now after my guy left he noticed because I didn't tell him and he intensified his chase for me,after three months, exactly eleven months after my ex left I accepted to date him. Though my ex was still calling but I didn't see enough reasons to justify the way he treated me.
Six months into our relationship he got admission for his masters and left after much promises but barely two weeks after he just stopped calling and keeping in touch. I was frustrated, scared and confused. We slowly drifted apart but through out our relationship my ex never stopped calling though we weren't dating. It was later he said it was because I was a distraction to him and he needed space for his project that's why he left, didn't believe the lame excuses though. December last year he came to Abuja, we met and he kept begging to accept him back. I accepted and days after he went back to complete his service.
The issue here is I can't take the distance like I use to then before he left he said he'll try relocating to Abuja and I'm even job hunting for him ,he even has friends and family members here so once he's done with his service he'll just come, but few weeks back he said he's thinking of going for his Msc after service in Nsukka, since then my interest has started reducing, though I'm not done with school (300) level and am barely 23 and not ready for marriage but I'm scared because I can't seem to see a future with this whole thing.
Waiting three years I'll be 26, what if after that he starts giving excuses like tribal differences? I'm so confused though he loves me and I love him too but I feel he's not really serious with me. I even volunteered to come visit monthly on my account but he refused and he visits just once a year, since we meet we've seen just thrice and less than one month of togetherness. please help.

When your partner comes visiting again, kindly sit him down and ask him some specific questions about the relationship, he should be able to define the relationship and and tell you what his vision is concerning you and the relationship.
He should also give you answers to some questions like why he doesn't want you to pay him a visit, what he meant by you being a distraction and how he hopes to introduce you to his family bearing in mind that they may perceive you from your tribe instead of your personality.
It is not wise to wait for a man who is walking on his own path and has no plan to make you part of his vision nor should you continue to invest in a relationship you are no longer comfortable with or secured in.
The issue isn't about the distance but the level of commitment and communication in your relationship.
Take your time, sort things out and decide on what's best for you. Not all relationships will lead to marriage but it's wise to discern where a relationship is leading to avoid any regrets in the future.

1 comment:

  1. I will advise you to face your studies squarely. And like you have been advised, when he comes, sit him down and ask some questions. You are 23, you should know if he meant the answers or not. Good luck


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