Tuesday, January 26, 2016

I Can't Deal with His Actions Anymore!

Thanks ma for your good work. Been married for three years now with two kids based in South Africa but the problem started after I had my first child and as Igbo culture was, my mum was supposed to come for my Omugwo (child visit)but my husband bluntly refused, saying that he has even planned that his mum will come here first before he married me.
He even went behind my back did her passport and visa,so just for peace to reign I accepted her mum with open hands. She even stayed with us up to a year and then I had my second child, he said my mum will come he did her passport but when it was time for her to buy her ticket, he changed his mind saying that he thinks we must leave that for now maybe next time and to think that my mum has already arranged her coming and told her friends.
She was deeply hurt so I wasn't happy about it, I tried asking him to explain the problem but he said its the end of that topic so since then he changed, always busy with his phone. He even put his phone on password so I decided to snoop only to find out that he's been cheating all these while with girls all over her WhatsApp sending him nudes,I was soo heartbroken and decided to let him know I found out about those ladies I even mentioned their names but he wasn't even sorry about it saying he has warned me not to near his phone.
Okay I decided to start locking my own phone. He got furious and asked me to open my phone so that he will see who I chat with, I refused insisting that he removes his own password first. He even slapped me for the first time saying that I always disrespect him.
As it is now I don't think I can deal with his action anymore but I don't want to separate my kids from him and to begin with I dropped out of my second year in school due to poor family background,he promised me that I will continue when I come here but since then if I talk about school, he will say that one can wait.
How do I cope, no good certificate to begin with? Please I really need your help where do I go from here. Should I sacrifice my happiness just for the sake of my kids? And he's not the type you can sit down to resolve issues with,he just flares up. I don't even know what to do anymore. Thanks.

I know that you are mad at the way and manner he treated your mother and made you feel insignificant in his life. Nobody would be happy because even if things were no longer as he planned them, he ought to carry you along and help you understand the circumstances surrounding his decision. From the little you said, he seems like a man who is doing you a great favour by getting married to you since you came from a "poor" background and as such doesn't care how you feel or what he does as long as he provides the basic needs of you and your children.
It's painful but these are the reward you get when you let what you will gain push you into making a lifetime decision with a man whose personality you have no idea what it's like. And any attempt to express your displeasure or confront him would be seen as disrespectful to him.
Well in as much as I feel your pains, you have to give up your personal interest and give your heart to being a good wife to him and a great mum to your children. I will personally encourage you to forget about his phone and focus on understanding his personality and please do not lock your phone even though he does. It doesn't make you weak, it only makes him guilty of his own attitude and fears about you.
Forgive him for the way he treated your mum and forgive him for slapping you. Let's hope that he doesn't repeat such anymore. As it stands now, anything you need could be perceived as you trying to milk him down and I would encourage you to think of what you can do to raise some funds to take care of your needs.
The promises of a man may be a manipulative way to lure you into marriage and some into luring you to bed, only a few of them keep to their words.
Do not expect so much from him because he doesn't see you as his wife (help meet) but as a helper and perhaps servant so you have to obey, be humble, and forget about his lifestyle and decisions.
Use your knees, pray and pray and pray and pray as though you were in a deep ocean about to be drowned or in a desert thirsting for a drop of urine. Pray that God will give you his heart just as he gave you his body.
Pray that God will help you to win his heart and change his perceptions towards you and your family. Pray for your family in a manner that when things go wrong, he would run back to you for help. Pray that he will prosper and succeed in all his endeavours. Pray that God will bless him and provide all that the family needs. Do not let his attitude weigh you down or let the nude pictures distract you from realising that you are already married to him under God's authority and grace. No matter who sends him nude pictures, you have divine authority to pray against every strange women in his life and they will all leave him and take off.
There's no power greater than prayers and no weapon stronger than that of a humble lady who knows how to win her battle with prayers and God's word.
It's a tough battle I know but with God by your side, you're tougher and more than a conqueror.
Cheer up and be positive, God will intervene in your marriage and compel your husband to grant the desires of your heart in Jesus name Amen.

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