But the problem now is my mum wanted me to home for Christmas but he refused. She called me on 21th that if I really regard her as my mother that I should come back on 24th or 25th,but I told her that I can't that I will come back on 28th. So I told my man what my mum said, he got angry and said that am not going anywhere ,so I told him that am not going on 24th or 25th,but on 28th. He said why will I say 28th do I know if that time was convenient for him that he will tell me when to go.
Later I reminded him ,he said I will go on January 1 which was not okay by me but I accepted. Yesterday I was in the store with him when someone asked if I won't travel so I told the person that I will travel on Friday when the person left he said that am not going anywhere so I got angry with him. So assuming the person didn't ask after preparing he will tell me that am not going again that how did he want me to feel. So I told him that I must go,he said that am free to go if wanted to. I told him to give me transport fare but he said he is not giving me when he know fully well that I don't have five naira with me.
So I called one of my uncles that he knew to help me talk to him,but he insulted my mum. Now my mum is angry with me that am the reason why he has the guts to insult her ,that she gives me till Friday that if I don't come, she will disown me.
Now my other uncle is asking after me, no excuses to give anymore for not coming back home because I have never spent my Christmas outside my home. So please help me I don't want my mum to disown me and I don't want to end the relationship just like that.
Sorry for the long write up I hope you understand me. Thanks.
One of the lessons to learn from your mail is never to consult your relatives to intervene in what you and your partner both agreed to do together.
You and your partner agreed to spend Christmas holidays in his house so I have no idea what prompted you to consider calling your uncle when you never made him part of your decision before moving to his apartment.
Secondly, though he has genuine plans to marry you any time soon, his attitude towards your family and your relatives is something that you must not wish away or take for granted.
Yes you both agreed to spend the Christmas period together but I feel that he should have been considerate of your mother and family and not decide to frustrate you by not giving you money for transport.
It shows a man who may be authoritative and autocratic or at worst a dictator and the question I have for you is, can you really cope with his personality and attitude?
The implications of his attitude if you choose to get married to him is that you must have your own source of income so that you don't need to depend on him because he may not always give you when you are in need of funds.
Also you will need to be SUBMISSIVE and prayerful. I'm sure you want to know why I wrote submissive in capital letters, it's because any form of disagreement or different opinions from his may mean that you will never have the peace of mind with him until you yield to his demand.
I know that people do change but it's wiser to examine yourself and ascertain the things you can endure and manage so that you don't get overwhelmed when you finally sign the dotted lines to be with him for life.
Perhaps you should have waited a little longer for him to pay your dowry before accepting to spend the Christmas period with him but as it is, kindly let your mother know that you won't be able to come when she demanded.
I know that she won't disown you and I hope that you will return home pretty soon.
These experiences should be an eye opener in helping you decide whether he's truly what you prayed for and who you wish to settle for in life.
@House:
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year,everyone. Abeg,I get small question:
1. AS A LADY,WHAT RIGHT DOES A MAN WHO IS NOT MARRIED TO A LADY HAVE,TO GIVE CERTAIN 'COMMANDS' SUCH AS THE ABOVE? Don't we think that until a guy is legally married to a lady,he has no right whatsoever to make certain demands on her(and vice versa)??
2. As a lady,what right does any man have to insult your parents? I know you sold yourself cheap. I know you may seem like a homeless person and a bastard to him(he may not admit it,but in his brain,and perception,that's what you are). And,from the look of things,it seems he thinks he is doing you a favour by marrying you.
3. From the 'body language' of your letter,it seems your family does not even know him? Do they?
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Dear,going by the number of red flags showing,and the number of bad seeds you have sown already(each of which will likely grow to haunt you in the future),I do not think it is safe to proceed with this marriage plans,especially,not in this current state. Whatever is worth doing,is worth doing right,so they don't come back to haunt you in the future. Before anything,I think you should get a place of your own first,and learn to be independent,before considering marriage. If you are planning to build something that will stand the test of time,then you MUST NOT build with substandard materials!
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You are living with a mab you are not married to, hiw can he respect you. Your mum is right. You are the reason why he doesn't respect your mum. Some of you ladies see the signs yet you go in and will later start writing to Amara. Use your tongue to count your teeth. He has no right to dictate to you. He us not even married to you. Na wa ooo
ReplyDeleteMan* is*
DeleteMm.. You better act fast my dear young lady.. The signs are glaring
ReplyDeleteWHY MUST HE DICTATE TO YOU WHEN TO TRAVEL? WHY SHOULD YOU HAVE ACCEPTED TO STAY WITH HIM THIS FESTIVE PERIOD KNOWING THAT YOUR UNCLES WILL ASK OF YOUR WHEREABOUT? WHAT YOU DID AND THE INSULT HE GAVE TO YOUR MUM IS ALL YOUR MAKING. YOU ARE A WOMAN AND YOU SHOULD HAVE PRIDE AS ONE. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. AFTER THE MARRIAGE HE WILL NOT REGARDS FOR YOU. SO, CHILL WITH THE MARRIAGE PREPARATION AND GO HOME TO MAMA BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER'S HAPPINESS AND BLESSINGS ARE REALLY PARAMOUNT TO YOUR LIFE AND MARRIAGE.
ReplyDelete