Wednesday, January 13, 2016

My Husband is Full of Deceit and Lies!

Good day ma, I am heart broken and don't know how to react to my present situation, I really need your advice. I am married with two sons ages 5 and 2. My husband and I dated for ten years before we finally got married. We both gained admission into different university same year but he went for part-time programme, he was supposed to graduate year after me, I graduated, went for my NYSC and got my first job yet he never graduated, I became curious and asked why, after series of excuses he later opened up and told me that he deferred his admission and decided not to tell me because he knew I won't support him, he then pleaded.
Two years later he proposed and said he wanted us to get married as soon as possible and that he has paid for an apartment because then he was living with his elder sister and her husband but each time I requested to go and check the apartment he paid for he will tell me that the landlord is not in town and various excuses meanwhile we already fixed wedding date, he never took me to the house till our wedding day. Ma, the day I got married was the most insane day of my life, that night he took me to his sister and husband's house which we never planned unknown to me that he never paid for any apartment.
Two days after our wedding he was arrested and stayed there for four days, it was my boss that gave me #100,000 to settle the case then, I couldn't inform my family because of where we were living then, I started lying and deceiving my own family, none of them knew my whereabout. After about eight months, my aunty called me one day that she got an apartment for us and the house belonged to one of my cousins, I told my husband and he agreed, we paid and moved into the house (two bedroom flat), ma could you believe that after the first payment it's over three years now he hasn't paid the rent and my cousin has been quiet because of me. She has used her estate agent and lawyer yet my husband refused to pay the rent, now she has decided to sell the house.
During the last holiday I travelled with my kids, my husband called me that he has deposited #20,000 for the children's school fees, I was very happy only for me to get back and realised that he never made any payment, the school director was surprised saying "what a man", I was embarrassed.
Last Saturday a lady called me on phone wanting to speak with my husband, I told her to call his line because I was not at home then, after about one hour, I decided to call the number back to know who she was and how she got my number she said she got my number from my husband, I wondered why, then I asked her if she was aware that he is married with kids, she said she was not aware, when my husband came back that night I checked his phone and saw a message from this same lady, in fact he stored her number with a male name.
The message reads: "Your wife just called me now and she said you are married with kids please bring for me the money you promised me today for my survival till month end, please I beg you in the name of God. thank you".
Ma, Christmas and New Year day we did not cook in our house because he said no money and refused to even buy clothes for the kids, I was not even bothered about myself because since we got married he has never bought clothes, cosmetics not even slippers for me, he doesn't pay the kids school fees yet different people comes to the house to fight and arrest him over unfinished job after collecting money, even my former boss that I introduced him to, he collected #45,000 to install DSTV since 2012 up till now, nothing, my boss has been quiet because of me.
The embarrassment is just too much for me to bear and I wouldn't want to raise my children in such an environment seeing their father everyday fighting and quarrel with people and Police arrest everyday. Very sorry ma for my long write up, in fact a lot of things that time won't permit me to write now. He is so much full of lies and deceit which I think was the foundation of the marriage.

What a man indeed! Well the painful reality of your marriage is that you married a scam as a husband and you saw the signs but decided to love him irrespective of the horrendous flaws that manifested during your dating period. 
When he deferred the admission, or should I say according to him, it was pretty obvious that there was something he was doing which you were never aware of. 
This man from your description can collect your millions with many promises but will end up doing nothing and the stupid thing is that he will never take responsibility for anything nor make any meaningful investment even for his future and just like he has already started doing, he'll be pursuing naive girls and be deceiving them into believing his pathological lies. 
It's a painful experience honestly and you just need to wake up to the reality that you are the husband and wife here and all your husband does is deposit sperm while you do the rest. 
Instead of entering into huge debt because of him, I would encourage you to rent a smaller place and go for what your money can afford. Organise yourself and please stop introducing him to any of your clients or colleagues to avoid collecting the money that your children will grow up to pay for.
Confronting him to me will be over stressing yourself because you already have so much on plate. 
It's a difficult task if you ask me but it's not an impossible task for God to make him a responsible man and to help him understand God's purpose for his life and destiny. 
On your part, I suggest that you make investment and savings for the future of your children and see what you can do to raise funds to clear the debt of your house rent. 
When the conscience of a man is dead, it takes grace and great intercession for God to restore his conscience to him. 
You can only pray for him and hope that things change in the near future but I will encourage you to give your heart to taking good care of your children because that's your most important responsibility today. 


  1. My problem with some of this women that comes to the forum with their tales of woe is the fact that they always absolve themselves of any errors or mistakes and wrong doings. You dated a man for 10 years and fixed wedding date yet you never knew he had not paid for a place. If you had said you guys met and shortly after you got married it would have been easier to understand. Maybe you were enjoying the proceeds from his deceits and you get carried away. I am not judging you, I am only being realistic. Tell your self the truth then make up your mind what you want to do
    If you keep portraying your self as the naive victim you will never learn.

  2. My dear girl! I'm even happy that you're able to establish a sincere report about your husband. Most women would keep mute about it. But what I'd like to ask you is would you worry about your marriage or about your reputation? What do you really want to do? You're the only one that can advise yourself in this matter. A lying and deceitful spouse is a danger in marriage. You can report him to higher authority or hold a family meeting reporting his ungodly and irresponsible behaviour and give him an ultimatum to change or else he might not see you and his kids again. The ball is in your court. Be wise

  3. What is wrong with our men this days?

  4. It’s not how long you dated him, but how long you knew him. Unfortunately, you didn’t know the man you were getting married to. This is a lesson to everyone especially women. That’s how I went to church near my boyfriend’s house, and I told him to take me to his house, he started giving excuses blab la bla.. next thing, he fast forwarded for me to meet his people. I did, quite alright. Now he is talking about marriage… I don’t even know you, I said. I asked him, how prepared are you for marriage? He has kept quiet and not responded till date. Guy, please shift, and don’t use your reggae to spoil my blues

  5. dear writer you your man for 10yrs,you saw those sign, God was even merciful to open your eyes to it but you where blinded by it. well I guess the solution lies in your hand......


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