Monday, January 25, 2016

My Pastor Said it's Okay but I'm Worried!

Good afternoon ma am 30 years going to be 31 years by September 2016 from the north. I was dating a guy who is equally from the north he has no good job till date just managing with a private school in his state. We have been dating for four years and he promised to settle down when a good job comes his way which he has not gotten till date.
I visited one day and somehow I saw his phone he was chatting with about five different girls of which he had naked pictures of one of the girls. I was angry with him which he begged and begged until I forgave him. He promised he was a changed person which I believed cos I never checked his phone again to see if he was still chatting with girls or not.
I began to have issues with him because to me he is not serious about getting a better job. He visited me just once in the state I work in our whole four years, he doesn't have money at all yet he is saying I should wait, I started becoming scared though not desperate but I began to reason when he will get money to start sending common recharge cards let alone of marriage.
I need a man who can provide three square meals and put a room over my head but with him I was becoming scared I might not get that because I didn't see the light shining. Meanwhile there is this guy from South South who has been following me for the past two years, he is a widower with three kids, he paid dowry on one lady but the thing didn't work out. He is 43 years and has been trying his best for me, deep down am more comfortable though am more educationally sound than he is but he is the best man that I have ever met amongst all the men in have seen or rather dated.
He really wants to settle down with me and I would love to do so too but am scared because of the dowry he paid on that other woman. I kind of feel he was married to her though my pastor told us it's okay we can go on telling him that he did not seek the face of God before going into all those things.
Please what do you think? Advice me because am a very good Christian.

At the moment you realised that you could not wait for your first partner and you lost the hope and faith that you will end up with him, the best thing you ought to do was to terminate the relationship before venturing into another one.
Dating your partner while considering the widower was the same thing as the man who is dating a lady and requesting for nude pictures of women. It's simply infidelity and it portrays you as a confused lady who have left her future to chance instead of taking responsibility for your future.
So if you are convinced that your first partner isn't preparing in any way to settle with you and you are not willing to work with him, support him and encourage him to succeed in his vision, please let him know what you have decided to do and bid him goodbye.
From your mail, you are already in love with the widower and you are at peace and comfortable with him. However because of the dowry he paid on the other lady, he's actually married to her even though they're not living together. So encourage him to go back and collect the dowry that he paid. That's the only way he can give you the authority to become his legitimate wife and the mother of his children.
There is a great significance of dowry that you must not ignore when it comes to marriage and if he cannot collect the the dowry, I won't encourage you to get married to him because the other lady could hold unto that and disrupt the peace of mind in your marriage.
I perfectly understood your fears and concerns, and all I've suggested is that you do it in a manner that shows that you respect his personality and appreciate him for all he did for you so that you venture into another relationship with a good conscience and confidence.
Entrust everything to God and pray that he will guide you and reveal the right partner to you.
Also equip yourself with the necessary skills and virtues that you need to help your husband and support him to succeed in his endeavours.

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