Monday, February 15, 2016

Am I Being Selfish?

Happy Sunday ma,you are really good and I appreciate you. More grease to your elbow. Ma, I have a boyfriend who I'd say loves me and I do too,we've not had sex and I have not before,told him it's a no no until am married and he said he respects my decision. We've dated for close to two years.
The thing is I don't ask him for things,like never not even a credit card, reason is that I don't want it to be like am going to pay back for it with sex. I read a post here where some people were saying if you don't want sex then don't ask for anything till you're married,that's exactly what am doing ma. Am I doing the wrong thing? Am I just being selfish?
Now the issue is even though I don't ask from him,there are times I might just need help,like am a corp member and our January's allowance was kind of delayed and my subscription expired last month 27th and because our allowance was delayed I didn't subscribe so I was offline for like a week plus. He called and asked me to come online,told him subscription was exhausted, he asked that I get another which I always do for myself,told him don't have money now,then he asked that I do the daily subscription of N100 or N200 so we could just chat,told him no money still which was true.
He just said okay and did nothing, am now asking couldn't he have just helped with the daily one not even the monthly,this is what a mere friend would do let alone someone you are dating,is he just insensitive or he just doesn't want to because we ain't having sex? Am just thinking aloud ma. Sometimes I feel like telling him but I kind of relent cos I feel he might think I need his help while I don't want to have sex with him. Ma should I just let it be like that,if I should I fear he will continue to be like that even if I eventually settle with him.
What's your take on this? Ma and fans please am really sorry for the long write up, needed to give the instance so you would understand better.

"For God so loved the world that he gave", there maybe a selfish gift, especially those that we give so that we can get a particular favour, interest or gift in return but there is no love without giving.
It is just not love if there is no mutual assistance and support for one another. It is not normal and should not be condoned in a relationship because even if you are married, the trend will continue.
If he can't give his time, heart and resources to help you in times of need, please what's his love really doing in your life?
What is the relationship all about when you hide your challenges from him and pretend to be happy? What is dating when he cannot even give you N100 to subscribe for data plan? What is love when you have to shut off your emotions just because you are afraid that he may request for sex because he helped you?
Well I have no idea what a relationship is without mutual giving which is devoid of sexual undertone. For the fact that you decided to keep your body until you are married doesn't mean that you should accept a stingy man who is both insensitive to your needs and your personality.
Lovers give and giving is what makes loving an expression from the heart which is much more than the careless words that we say.
Open up to him and be real with him. Ask him if it's because you said no to sex that he couldn't even help you or ask you how you were coping when the your allowance was delayed? Let him know that I said that it's irritating and toxic to be in a relationship with a partner who simply doesn't care or have any atom of concern for the other partner.
Whether you wish to continue with him or not is solely your decision but do not endure what you know that you cannot cope with for the rest of your life.


  1. You're not being selfish, in as much as I support and appreciate women that are independent doesn't mean they should never ask a man for help, be it boyfriend or casual friend, no one is an island, we always need help at some point in our lives, but in this case, it is very glaring that he's not giving you any money because you're not giving him sex, which better explains that he does not really love you, the relationship is just a mirage. And let me tell you one thing, all these no sex before marriage doesn't really work, because one person must be having sex behind the other person's back, some even indulge in masturbation to satisfy their urge for sex, so don't think cos you're not giving him sex, he's not getting it from other women. I suggest you call it quits and be with someone that truly loves you and can give you little assistance when you need one. #enoughsaid

    1. Shut ur trap. What do you know for you to pass conclusion? They've been together for two years and one incidence reported from one party makes you think you know he doesn't love her? Your just a definition of third party. I really don't blame you, its the people that bring their issues to brokeen records like you I blame. I wouldn't doubt for a second that you've never experienced what being in love feels like, hence your running to conclusion so easily on matters of love. If the issue of love was as straight forward as u make it seem, she wouldn't be here asking for your input.

  2. My dear you're not serious .No sex before marriage doesn't really be serious with him.

  3. NO SEX b4 marriage absolutely works, bt works between like- minded people. Do not be unequally yoked. My dear, love isn't passive, it is active, if it is unexpressed, then it isn't love. Ur body shouldn't be in exchange for love/gifts, that will be PROSTITUTION n if u really want to prostitute, people do it for higher stakes, the same sex u will hv for meagre amounts, ppl build mansions with it. Fornication is fornication nomatter who u hv it with, y don't u do it 4 something bigger.
    Pls take a hike out of dat r/ship, it has a selfish undertone, from his part, no one haas right over ur body except ur husband. If he love u, he will give, no b ur mates de chop man mugu him no go even see pant wey dem hang for outside

    1. You're on point dear, you've said it all. Tnx for that.

    2. I believe the aim of this website is to offer good solution. In your view I see different solution which I consider some not good for this forum.

  4. I won't say no sex before marriage doesn't work, however many young men never commits to that. They either cheat to make up or they remain passive in the relationship.
    However that doesn't make you selfish. It rather make you a focused and determined person.
    I wouldn't suggest your quitting because of this because you two have come this far, I rather you two be more open to each other.

  5. I think what you need now is to be more open to him. You dnt assume in relationship rather you communicate. Say your mind that's what relationship is all about. If you need 100k ask him first and he can't give he shld have reasons for that or give d one he can afford. Don't be shy to ask and also always say how u feel.


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