Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Can I Love Him and not Love His Family?

Ma,there is something that is bothering me. During my National Youth Service in 2012,I became friends with a fellow corper and was pregnant for him. He gave me money to abort it because to him he was not ready. I did D and C three times but the baby refused to be aborted. My family was furious and his too. He is a mummy's boy and his mother never wanted me. Due to frustration,I became hypertensive and the doctor said I can't wait till labour day because I might have complications so I delivered through operation to a beautiful baby girl. Anything his mother said that was what he would do. He never bought baby things or paid the hospital bills. My brothers assisted me.
His mother fought with me the day I was discharged from the hospital. She always insulted me that I delivered through operation and my mates were having normal delivery.. Am an orphan and his son will not marry a woman that did not have a mother. I left with my child for two years I did not hear from them. I suffered to take care of the child alone doing menial jobs.
And now the guy is back pleading that I should forgive him that he wants to marry me. He has a job now, I still love him because for this three years I have kept myself and find it hard to enter another relationship. But ma,my fear is his mother. Though she told me that his son said if it's not me he is not going to get married that we can go ahead but am still bitter. I don't feel okay with his family. If I marry him, won't his family run my marriage? Will I find peace?
Can I love a man and not love his family? Because there's nothing I do that his mother will like. I don't want to make the same mistake twice.
Please tell me what to do.

Sit down with your partner and have a heart to heart discussion with him. Does he want your daughter or he genuinely loves you? If he's looking for an avenue to claim your daughter, there's no need to get married to him especially when you have no idea what he's up to or his intentions for you. 
Is he willing to let go of his father, mother and relatives and be married to you in every sense of the word and be married to you? Is he emotionally prepared to work with you and not make a mockery of your personality to his family and anyone who is close to him? 
While I understand that you are in love with him, I'm also worried about his maturity and spiritual capacity to be a husband who will not make you feel miserable or frustrated in your marriage. 
The way and manner you will treat his family depends greatly on how he appreciates you and how they respect your personality. All you owe your in laws is respect and courtesy, loving them comes with having a great appreciation and respect for you and how you have bonded with his family over a long period of time. 
You need to sit him down and pour out your fears and worries to him. You and him must agree on some fundamental principles of marriage before you can consider him for marriage. 
Will he rent a roof over your head and the head of your children? Will he learn not to allow his mother to interfere in your marital affairs as long as you are married to him? Will he be responsible and give his best to cater for your needs and the needs of his family? Will he love, respect and appreciate your personality and work with you to raise a Godly home? These and many more must be addressed to avoid more humiliation when you must have been married to him. 
Pray about it and allow God to guide your heart in times like these to avoid making a decision that may consume your life and destiny. 

1 comment:

  1. The mother saying you guys can go ahead and get married is not enough, she's only saying that because her son has refused to get married to someone else except you...I think you have to stand your ground first until the mother genuinely ask for your forgiveness...P.S: You have to also sit your baby's father down and talk extensively with him to ascertain that he has gotten over his mommy's boy syndrome, because that's the most important thing, if he has started taking his own decision as a man, then you will have less or no problems with his mother, and please make sure he's not living in his family house, he has to get an apartment far away from his family, so both of you can build your family and live in peace. Above all, PRAY ABOUT IT. #enoughsaid


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