Sunday, February 14, 2016

I Want Out of This Marriage!

Good morning Amara, sorry about the loss of your dad. Have been there and I tell you the missing never some away. I summoned the courage to write today because I am caught in between. Have been married for seven years now with two lovely kids. In this seven years of marriage I have enjoyed it for only two years which was the first two years, it has been hell and back for me, has he cheats, lie and treats me wickedly and if you ask him he will tell you I disrespects him and to tell you the truth I am afraid of him.
When he is back home I am scared not to do or say the wrong thing, because he is quick to react, scold and shout at me with venom. He beats me at the slightest provocation and calls me all sorts of abominable names from a witch, to a devil, to a destroyer to big fool, to piece of trash name them, I have had to run away from home severally only to come back after much pleas from him and the parents but still the same issue. There is this girl he is seeing that he brings home when ever I travel with the kids, I had to call the girl's parents to let them know of what she is into, this girl came right to my house to warn me, of which my husband said he would stop seeing her but that was a lie as he continued.
Bottom line he did and said some nasty things some days ago and what really got to me was telling me to go and wake my late father from the grave to come and rescue me from his hands, that I will suffer as he will make my life a living hell as I will prefer to die than to live when he is through with me.
I want out of this marriage, a separation for a while because its affecting my health and I live like who doesn't have a husband, as he leaves the house and come back late everyday, there is no companionship, no love, I am so lonely if not for my kids that keeps me going and the joy of knowing Christ.
Have been praying about this but right now my strength is failing me as I don't want my kids to grow up in an environment of hate. Please kindly counsel me. Thanks.
Sorry I had to write this much.

When the environment is saturated with so much negative vibes, abusive and foul language. When you can no longer manage the toxins and the venom that's emanating from your husband, when you lack the right motivation and the patience to manage his personality and weaknesses, please do not remain in the same roof with him and continue to punish yourself emotionally. 
When you feel choked, please request for a break or a separation from the marriage so that you can reevaluate your marriage and decide whether to consider with the marriage or not. Your children needs you most even if he feels that he doesn't have need of you and for him to make such an inhumane, wicked and derogatory statements to you and even make reference to your dead father is a clear indication that he doesn't have respect or regards for your personality now does he appreciate you and your family. 
You need to take a walk so that you can learn to love yourself and appreciate your personality no matter what life has thrown to you. Forgive him and leave everything to God because he's not dead and he will defend you in your marriage. For him to make such a painful comment about your father, don't worry, God is not dead! 
Take care of your children and do not relent in praying for him because he has no idea what he's setting himself up for. 
Give room for reconciliation so that him and his family can come and renegotiate the future of your marriage. You cannot condone physical, mental and emotional abuse because they may have adverse effects on your health and that will make your children vulnerable. 
Leave everything to God but I will suggest that you take a break so that you can refresh yourself and also take good care of your children. 

1 comment:

  1. There is a thin line between love and hate. You said you enjoyed your marriage in the first two years, and then things changed for the worse, but you didn't say how the change started. Something must have happened to change the living peaceful, loving family you had. Did you take somethings for granted. Until we tell ourselves the real whole truth our problems will continue. In as much as I condemn his physical abuses, are you truly sure you are not the cause of the change he has undergone? Your husband is not an angel, he is flesh and blood. You cannot continue to disrespect him and expect a pat on the back. Please look inwards, your problems may not be those girls outside. Remember Queen Vashti, remember Michal the wife of King David. You will lose your place and position in a man's life to another woman when you begin to disrespect your husband. Repent genuinely before God and return to your first love. Learn to trust your husband, keep a positive and open mind. Stop all the needless suspicions that will do no good. Moreover, I suggest a deliverance session. May God bless you


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