Alas! My wife is the direct opposite of my ideal woman, you can't imagine the wife that enjoys insulting the husband at any slightest chance, a woman that will listen to her mother than her husband .
Am contemplating divorce but people will always say no. But is it true that women are the same? Is it true that a man that divorce is not man enough? The religious will say God Forbid It but Amara how long should a man keep on with something that disgust him? Is marriage of convenience allowed?
It's so irritating that we cannot agree on something pertaining to our marriage except there is a third party . You can't believe that this union is eleven years old with four boys. The ten years anniversary went unnoticed cos that was the worst year of the marriage.
Please advice us, I will give her to read it too thanks.
In spite of all the challenges and the differences between you and your wife, I must congratulate you and your wife for standing with each other with four lovely children for eleven years now. It's not easy and I believe that you can tell the difference between falling in love and nurturing the love in your marriage.
Marriage is a building that is sustained by the selfless commitment and sacrifices of two individuals who are willing to give their all, endure the weaknesses of the other and still choose to see the marriage succeed even when the feelings are failing you.
Your wife is the product of your attitude towards her, if she's nagging, insulting stubborn and defensive, the first step towards helping her understand her roles is to discover if there are things which she's reacting to which could have pushed her into nagging, complaining and insulting her husband.
A wise woman don't wake up wishing to nag her own husband and insult her but there could be uncomfortable circumstances of life and difficulties of your attitude to her which could have a negative impact on how she perceives you and react to you so you must address the root cause of her worries so that she won't be insulting your personality.
The first step is to convince yourself that you are willing to give your heart to make your marriage succeed and give anything and everything that your marriage needs to succeed. The irony of life is that the lady that you feel is better than your wife has her own weaknesses and until she's naked to you, you may never believe that she's a human being just like your wife. So instead of contemplating divorce, think of communicating better with your wife than you have ever done in the past eleven years of experiencing marriage and life with her. Instead of listening to the opinions of your friends and family who have been feeding you with so much suggestions about your wife, consider giving your wife some quality time and for once listen to her and find out what she could be struggling with.
There's no need to shut down her emotions just because you are the head when you can listen to her and help her heal of her worries and many concerns. Celebrate your wife, pray with your wife and instead of looking for the best woman to marry, give the best to your wife and you would see a miracle in your marriage.
If there are things which you do that is affecting her, consider working on those attitudes and find ways to meet the needs of her heart and your family so that you can enjoy the very woman that made you feel that getting married with her was just the best way to grow in love with her forever.
To your wife,
I understand that things may not have been as they were in the beginning and I commend your commitment and sacrifices to sustain your marriage and give your best to your husband and children but one of the things that you must not forget is that men are like a new baby and they needs a lot of appreciation, pampering and respect and men pay more attention to what you say than they do to other things.
Please you must not disrespect your husband for any reason or import the views of your friends and your mother in your marriage, it is totally unacceptable and please do not destroy your own marriage by consulting those who ought not to be part of your family.
The moment you agreed to be married to him, you told the world that you will submit to the authority of your husband and respect his opinions. You left the comfort of your family and friends and decided to work with your husband to build your own family with your husband and never to invite the opinions of others or impose the opinions of others on your husband including that of your father and mother.
You must as a matter of necessity and urgency desist from making your husband feel like an inadequate boy for getting married to you and give him his rightful place in your heart and your marriage even if he's not as rich and handsome as you wished for.
Instead of attacking him in his weaknesses, communicate with him and find ways to resolve your differences without making him feel insulted and abused by you. As a virtuous wife, you should learn to pray much more than you talk so that God can fix anything that you feel that is affecting your marriage.
Please organise your home and prepare your heart to give your very best to see your marriage succeed and not to make your husband feel insecure and afraid of growing in love with you.
If there are things that you feel that are your challenges in your marriage, please write to me and open up so that it can be addressed but I hope that you will learn to listen to your husband and keep your marital challenges to yourself and not broadcast it to your mother or others.
I hope to hear from you and I pray that God will give you the wisdom and maturity to work with your husband and build a home that God will be proud of.
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