Thursday, March 17, 2016

Can't Tell if He's Genuine!

Good afternoon ma'am. Please help me. I am dying of regrets, I sleep, wake up and live day in day out regretting and blaming myself badly for the decision I made on my life partner, I had to choose between two guys unfortunately I chose the worst one. I had no reason to accept his proposal other than the fact that I believed he loved me but I tell you the whole story from the moment I married this guy it has been a pathetic and unimaginable one. The most chaotic and degrading loud kind of marriage I have ever known. I was very reserved as I wanted the man I would marry to get the best of me but I am all regretting why I didn't explore life when I had better opportunities but I let them slip off my fingers as I had high hopes in marriage.
This very guy before marriage was all over me treated me like an egg, gave me his time and was always there when I needed him so I thought it was when the wrong one loves you right as I would be able to help him adjust some of his bad habits not knowing I would be the biggest prey to this predator. He kept me like a furniture in the house and won't even allow me associate, attend ceremonies nor do anything that would better my life nor make me happy.
I got my first degree by my parents, he didn't allow me look for job, do business nor further my education and we had no child and he would leave me penniless so imagined how miserable life was to me. He would insult me, insult my entire household though not to their faces but he disrespected them a lot. He was seriously cheating. He hit me couple of times on what was not my fault at all though at one time I had to retaliate okay, like when I caught him cheating and I stylishly said it for him to know I knew. One of the most painful thing he did was how he would sit amidst people and castigate, backbite me and my family, he tried by all means to see that he tarnished my image but God kept vindicating me. There are other things that time and space won't allow me say it here. He envied my progress and talked down on anything good I do or have except through him but he would hardly do it. On any slightest provocation he would lock me out or ask me to leave the house and threaten me if I don't. He then started an open relationship with a girl posting their pictures on all the social media telling the world about it, after a while he deleted all the pictures and ended the relationship.
I have tried moving on after our third separation but he would not let me be, he came back begging and confessing some of the terrible things he did behind my back how he cheated on me and all that, I still see some of his old character but I won't deny the fact that there were little changes but I can't tell if it's genuine and things will be better. I keep counting the number of years I have wasted in this whole mess, at least if all things were being equal I would have been carrying my third child. I know I have drifted from destiny, I have been praying so hard to be able to forgive myself and get over this regret. I have a very good job and the most wonderful, supportive and caring family but I am always feeling I have failed and put them to shame.
Please help me, I am already developing health problem because of this. Looking forward to your advice and the opinion of your fans thank you.

Living in regrets is living in the past, but wisdom demands that we learn from the past experiences, apply them in our decisions of today and believe God for a better future.
You won't achieve anything investing your energy and emotions on why you shouldn't have done what you did but the real challenge is how has your past experiences influenced your personality and what do you hope to achieve with the wealth of understanding and information of your past choices.
Since he has apologised, made changes in his attitude, are you willing to give your marriage another chance? Are you willing to forgive him and renegotiate the fate of your marriage?
Do you still believe in his personality irrespective of his errors and shortcomings or do you wish to end it all?
If you still have faith in your marriage and in his personality, then you may need to sit down with him and iron everything out so that both of you can come to a common agreement with each other and plan on how both of you can work together without clashing against each other.
But if you are not comfortable with your current marriage and you so not wish to reconsider living with him, instead of hanging around him and wasting your life and time, I would suggest that you consider filing for a divorce so that you can liberate yourself from him and decide what's best for your life at this point in your journey.
It's normal to have concerns and fears especially after a violent marriage but you can't make any difference by standing on the fence, it's either both of you agree to let go of your differences or you decide to let go of the marriage so that you don't remain on the same spot regretting and lamenting about what you didn't do right.
It's only when both of you have sat down and discussed about your marriage that you can make a decision whether the marriage is worth it or not.
Whatever be your decision or conclusion, please do not stand at the alter of complaints and worries while your life is ticking away.

1 comment:

  1. This story makes me want to cry and cry, what a wicked world we found ourselves, how wolves in sheep clothing will go about deceiving the innocent one. well you have made the decision committee everything to God. Forgiveness comes after repentance, when somebody refuse to repent there will be no forgiveness of sin. if he refuse to change separate yourself from him and enjoy the life God has given you.My bible said if your hand will cause you to sin cut it off, it is better that you make it to heaven with one hand than go to hell with two hands.wisdom is profited to be frank with yoo anybody that said is a Christian and is still living in sin has no relationship with God. God will divorce that person until that person repent and change full, please do not die because of marriage sake Christ has died for us, it for us to enjoy life not to suffer. God bless sister don't give up on God. He will see you through. well I am please to comment on this story because it touched my heart.


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