Saturday, April 2, 2016

He's Unserious, Irresponsible and Dirty!

Good afternoon aunty, am going to be sincere though my story is lengthy. Please bear with me.
I met this guy when I was writing my project in ND II, he came to my lodge with his friend(who was asking me out then, but I declined, the main reason he came was to see me because according to what I heard, he wanted his friend to access me)
Though I was busy when they came(not my room sha), I went there and said hello to them. I got talking with his friend, it was then I got to know that the friend is actually from my state, and we shared the same local government. He doesn't speak our dialect but he understand when it's being spoken.
After the discussion with them, we all parted. I was having some difficulties in school and he helped me, that was how we exchanged phone numbers, he later asked me out and I accepted but told him to inform his friend(the one that asked me out and I declined), he did inform his friend and the guy said he should go ahead, and I also apologize to the guy that if I have offended him by dating his friend that am sorry, and he said no problem.
Aunty, my problem is that I noticed he's the unserious type, he hardly pray, looks irresponsible and a little bit dirty. He believes his point is always right, doesn't listen to anybody and flex a lot. I know I have my flaws, but aunty I have tried correcting, explaining things to him, but he sees it as if am NAGGING. He doesn't have any native cloth, he prefers to wear trousers and shirt to wedding. I even volunteered to sow for him but he bluntly refused, I visited him and saw a dirty plate in his room, from the look, the plate should be up to three days and unwashed.
He once told me that if he eventually gets married that his wife is going to do all the household chores, that he will only fetch water but I told him that he shouldn't be like that, that I only can't do the chores...... He prefers to be in the company of his friends than being with me.....
Aunty, I am not perfect and I know I have anger problem, when he says annoying words to me, I keep quiet cos I don't want to say what I will regret....... I don't know what to do, please advice me.

Recently, a guy came to ask for my hand in marriage, and I told him, his response was I should go for the guy that he isn't hooking me down, that the guy took a bold step by coming to ask for my hand, that he can't do it. He said he can only think of settling when he's 35...

Aunty, am 22 going for my HND now, while he's 33 working.

That a man is old enough, working proclaims love doesn't mean that he's emotionally prepared for a relationship, nor does it mean that he's mature for the kind of commitment that you crave for in the relationship.
In as much as you don't have the capacity to change him, he's not willing to grow in love with you and give you the privilege to share your thoughts with him and support him in your own little way. He's not teachable and what that means is that no matter how good your suggestions maybe, no matter how helpful your opinions maybe, as long as they came from you, he will never consider them, let alone making necessary adjustments to improve on himself.
Since you have taken your time to understand his personality and his personal relationship with God, I may not suggest that you hang on with him, unless you are willing to sacrifice your time and emotions to help him in his areas of weaknesses and shortcomings.
If continuing with him will make you complain more, worry more, endure more and get more frustrated by his personality and perception of life and relationship, please consider terminating the relationship and give yourself some time before considering venturing into another relationship.
Be mindful that for the fact that suitors are coming doesn't in any way guarantee that you must settle with one of them. You need to take your time to pray, grow in friendship with such an individual and be convinced beyond every reasonable doubt that such an individual is the one for you.
While you trust God to guide your footsteps in making the decision on who to settle for, please use this ample opportunity to develop yourself and to build up your spiritual life so that when you get married, you will not struggle to fit into your home.
Now is the best time to develop yourself, invest in human capacity trainings like skill acquisition and vocational trainings so as to enhance your personality and add more value to the society.
When you meet your husband, you will not need any more explanations to confirm that he's the one for you and that can only be possible when you are closer to God than any other thing else.

1 comment:

  1. What else do you need to know that he's not serious with you. Even after telling you to go for another man, you still asking for advice.

    Also be careful about suitors. Don't rush into any relationship, especially marriage.


Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)