Monday, April 25, 2016

I Can't Endure Marriage with Him Anymore!

Hi ma, I Love the way you counsel people. I need your advice. I am 30 years old, I married at the age of 21 and blessed with four kids. When I wanted to marry my husband, I don't love him, I married him because he said God said I was his wife, so I decided to obey God, thinking I will try to love him.
He was not rich so don't think I married because he had money, in fact he was so poor that I borrowed my wedding gown not rented and the wedding was sponsored by committee of friends.
Ever since I married him, I hate to have sex with him, I can't remember the last time I kissed him, I sleep with him to fulfil all righteousness. The past nine years of marriage has been hell for me but he is not bad to me, he loves me but ma I don't find happiness with him.
Anytime I want to make myself happy, I visit friends but I have never slept with any other man. But the point now is I can no longer endure, but I feel for him and I don't want my kids to suffer and also what will people say. Please ma advice me.

I want to believe that you were not ignorant of your decision when you accepted to marry him. He told you that he was convinced that God ordained you to be his wife and at that point in your life, you knew that obeying God was the best way to enjoy the fullness of God's blessings and provisions for your destiny. 
You may argue that you didn't love him so much or that he didn't have all the qualities and attributes that you expected from the man you wished to settle down with, but being convinced that he's the one for you and your willingness to heed your convictions and the word of God supersedes every other excuses or opinions you may have about him today. 
He may be poor in the past but he has been the one providing all you need and all your four children need also. He may have borrowed money from friends to marry you but today you are comfortable and healthy living with him. 
He's not a perfect man but he's not different from other men out there, he has a penis like other men have and he strives to make sure that you are happy and fulfilled with him. 
So I have no idea what you feel that you cannot endure anymore with him. I personally feel that the devil is filling your head with vain thoughts and views that leaving a man who has sacrificed his all to make you happy will make you stand out or be happy than staying back and giving your heart to your husband and investing your emotions on him. 
Every individual on earth is lovely and lovable if you consciously channel your emotions and energy to love him perfectly irrespective of his imperfections. I feel that you should sit down and shower your love on your husband, I feel that you need to open your heart and embrace this man, he didn't commit any crime loving you selflessly and all he's craving for is not pity but genuine love and affection from you. He's craving for your friendship, your company, your kindness and your commitment to building a home where faithfulness, trust and love blossoms every day of your life. 
Please don't give the devil any room to destroy your marriage, you may never have another opportunity to experience a marriage as beautiful and lovely as yours where your husband genuinely seek to make you the best of all God has blessed you with. 
Even if you are not wowed by his outlook, give your time and romance him, caress him, kiss him, suck him, and make love with him as wild as you can. Remove this hopeless thoughts that makes you feel that he's not good enough for you. Go back home and begin today to confess and appreciate your partner, let him know that you are proud of him and kneel down and ask God to give you a heart of love to love him selflessly and sacrificially. 
On a final note, you obeyed God because you desire to please him with your life, please honor the word of God by desiring to please your husband, serving and loving him selflessly, being close to him and opening your heart to enjoy sexual intimacy whenever you are with him, respecting and appreciating him and being faithful to him for the rest of your life. 
This has nothing to do with your children and people's opinions here but your personal relationship with God and your desire to walk in obedience to God's word for your life and marriage. Instead of wishing to be with another man, decide to give your all to make your marriage be the best that you desire and please stop opening your legs for your husband to have sex with you but open your legs and your heart and become part of the sexual beauty of your marriage. 
Your husband deserves a better you, please stop starving him with your love. I pray that God will help you to understand the grave consequences of your actions and forgive you for your ignorance and selfish attitude to your husband.

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