Monday, April 11, 2016

I Don't Know who I Love!

Hello aunty Amara, I need serious advice now. I am 23 years old and currently in my finals in the university. I have been dating this guy since my year two and he is 36 currently and now he wants to settle down with me but I don't love him. My friends are saying I should marry him then later I will learn to love him since husbands are scarce according to them but I am scared.
This guy is an Igbo guy, he is not romantic and he stopped schooling after his JSS3 and he went to serve under a business man who did not settle him due to misunderstandings between them but currently he has a small scale business he is running. He is Godfearing,caring and has a tender heart towards I and my family members.
Now I am currently having another suitor who is begging me to wait for him so he could get a job and marry me.. I am so confused because I don't know who I love so I could settle down with due to the fact that I have a big body and I look older than my age and my parents are now singing it every time I go home for holidays to bring a man home. Please advice me.

I feel that you are acting under the influence of your friends, parents and your body size. None of them will help you make a wise decision on who you need to be a happy lady in your marriage. 
My suggestion will be that you isolate all these pressures, forget about these suitors and seek the face of God personally and genuinely. Marriage is not a joke, it's not about how big you are or what you are going to gain from a man. Marriage is beyond certificates, and men's scarcity or availability. 
It's a real work and a responsibility for those who are emotionally prepared, spiritually sensitive and psychologically stable for the pressures and the challenges of living as one in an environment that may not be as beautiful as you craved for. 
You need to discover yourself, equip yourself before thinking about what you need or who you need to grow in love with for the rest of your life. 
You need to evaluate the personality of suitors based on their personal relationship with God, their emotional and mental maturity and their vision for their life. 
You need to tell yourself some honest truth which no family and friends will tell you and remind yourself that marriage is your personal journey with your husband and not what your parents and friends should decide for you. 
You need to get hold of yourself and make sure that you don't allow anyone to pressurise you into getting married to a man who you are not comfortable with or in love with just because you want to 'please' them. 
Marriage is not a social club, it's a divine call for separation, for sanctification, and for divine grooming of two individuals who have one vision and passion to serve one another, sacrifice and support each other in all times and seasons for the rest of their life. 
If within your heart you are not convinced or comfortable with a particular individual, there's no need or excuse for you to force yourself on him or give him the impression that you love him while you are wasting his time, emotions and resources. 
Rather it will be better to be honest with yourself and let him go so that he can meet another lady who is emotionally mature and is willing to love him unconditionally and selflessly. 
I will recommend that you sort yourself out before sorting out who to marry.


  1. You clearly stated it in your post that you do not love this guy...Where does your confusion then fall into?
    Mental immaturity is your problem...
    You have a big body and you look older than your age? Is this why you've made marriage a priority at 23 above other things?
    What have you achieved? Can you proudly stand as a lady of your own?
    What can you offer in marriage?
    Marriage starts after wedding but you're dreaming of just the wedding day fantasies...
    If you really understand what marriage is all about you'll see the need to develop yourself..
    You knew you felt nothing for this guy so what were you doing with him for two good years?
    You just couldn't let go of the sharwama and ice cream i guess...
    Now it's backfiring...
    He'll be disappointed just as you'll be confused..
    Pls control your big body and grow up...
    Cut down your meals...exercise well and stay fit...
    Marriage is not the antidote for fat people...
    Wake up!

  2. Joseph u just said it all. Thumbs up for u.


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