Friday, April 15, 2016

I Feel Like Giving Up!

Am a 22 years old lady living with my husband and son in the southern part of Africa. We've been married for two years but it is nothing to write home about. My husband doesn't care about my feelings, he sees me as a burden that doesn't worth anything. He goes out and come back very late at night, sometimes he sleeps over and I have been keeping quiet so that peace will reign. Our sex lives is nothing because he only come to me when he is interested and when am in the mood he scares me away, so I have been in fear since I met him.
He always threaten to kill me but I never knew he was serious until the day I tried to confront him about his drinking habits(just last week), he grabbed me and beat me up, knocked out my front teeth and almost strangled me to death. He later came begging that something came into him, I forgave him but since then it's been from one quarrel to another, he always bring up the issues for us to quarrel and am always heart broken because it's not in my nature.
Apart from God, you are the person am pouring my heart out to, am so scared that I might lose my life one day leaving my son all alone in the name of marriage. He always boast that I can't be successful in life if he is not involved, I have lost my self esteem just because of him. Please sister help me out here because I have been seeing some wonderful things you are doing in the lives of people. My parents ain't that rich so he always use that to oppress me and humiliates me, he doesn't appreciate my efforts at all.
I feel like giving up because it has gotten to my neck. Please help me. Thank you.


The moment depression and anxiety fills your heart in the name of marriage or love, the first thing you must do to save yourself is to separate from your partner for some time and reevaluate your marriage. 
Depression is the last phase of emotional torture and abuse and it can lead to dementia, or death if not properly managed. You must understand that your life comes first before marriage and without life, you cannot resolve anything in your marriage. 
From all you said, both of you need counselling because until he understands his responsibility and his duties as your husband and the head of his family, you will continue to suffer from physical, emotional and psychological abuse. 
That your family isn't buoyant enough doesn't mean that you should subject yourself and your son to the torture and abuse by your husband, it also doesn't mean that you cannot work hard and give your son the very best nor does it mean that you should fold your hands and watch your husband destroy the fabrics of your personality. 
Nothing came over him, he only acted on his heart desire to beat you and make sure that you don't open your mouth and express yourself to him. His desire was to shut you down and make sure that you are his puppet that he uses and abuses at will and that you should never accept for any reason. 
Pick up the pieces of yourself and take some time off your marriage so that you can organise yourself and decide whether this marriage and your man is worth all the pains, and time that you have invested to make it. 
This will also help both of you to seek for counselling and also allow your families to intervene and resolve whatever may be the grey area of your marriage so that you can enjoy your marriage. It will also help you get a job to enable you take care of your son and meet your needs. There is no need for regrets or fears but enough time to stand up and decide not to allow pity and pain to sink your joy and happiness as an individual. 
I am very careful to say this but I will say it anyways, no marriage is worth the life of anyone and nobody should subject himself or herself to an abusive partner.

3 comments:

  1. Don't get me wrong dear but from ur story, this man is way, way older than you.
    U married too early, as far as I am concerned.
    You have practically become a shadow of urself that you are 'scared' in your own home while he sees you like a little rat (permit me here pls).
    Sweety find something to do or go back to Nigeria.
    If you die there, he will not tell exactly what happened to you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Don't get me wrong dear but from ur story, this man is way, way older than you.
    U married too early, as far as I am concerned.
    You have practically become a shadow of urself that you are 'scared' in your own home while he sees you like a little rat (permit me here pls).
    Sweety find something to do or go back to Nigeria.
    If you die there, he will not tell exactly what happened to you.

    ReplyDelete

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