Friday, April 15, 2016

How Do I Win His Love?

Good day madam Amara, may the good lord bless you for all your good deed. Am seriously worried and didn't know where I went wrong. Am 28, I dated my hubby for seven years before he finally paid my bride prize this February, though we have not done the traditional and white wedding.
I met him in 2008, he was so caring and down to earth which made me love him, never knew he was a chameleon, he smokes, he womanizes, drinks a lot, keeps late night and always like being with friends but choose to hide all these from me. He proposed in 2013 with the intention of coming to see my parents and doing the necessary things, that same year, he packed into a new flat which opened my eyes to the kind of person he is, cos there was this particular girl that always call and when I ask, he will say it's just a friend, I believed his words and never knew he was a great liar.
Ever since he packed into the apartment his attitude changed, he brings in different girls home without my knowledge, when I noticed his change in attitude, I decided to be more sensitive which made me notice that they do come to his house. There was this particular girl called J*** that always call him, I was so furious that I had to copy her number and sent her a text message not to disturb my man, she came out straight for us to drag him, which made me to back out.
For a month plus I stopped calling him but he kept begging and disturbing me that he has changed and will be a better person and saying he wanted to see my people for the proper thing to be done. He stopped all communication with them. We made up and along the line I got pregnant for him and he decided to pay the bride price. I later lost the pregnancy, I had a still birth after five months and now he is back to his old ways of life, always chatting his female friends, calling them, he never appreciate me, sees everything I do as no good, always ready for quarrel and argument, keeps malice like a lady, every small thing he will stop talking to me.
It's too early to start my marriage on this ground, I do see other marriages and always ask myself, how long will this last, he even find it difficult giving me money, if he gives me money to buy something, he will request for change and also ask how I spent the money. Please ma and my fellow AVL, what should I do to gain my husband's love and make him believe in me? Thanks.


So sorry for the loss of your baby, I decree that your womb shall not bring forth still babies but living seeds with great vision for the kingdom of God in Jesus name Amen. 
The signs are bold and clear enough for you to see and you don't need a microscope to discern what this man is up to. Though he has paid your dowry, I feel that it's wise and fair for you to advice yourself and save yourself from an impending danger in the future. 
A man who brings ladies to his room, chats them up every now and then, drinks and smokes and keep late night, won't change by mere giving you promises and hopes, but can only change if he decides to surrender his life to God and allow him to mould him into a perfect man. 
Else, please do not expect so much from him and if you insist on continuing with him, please equip yourself with patience, understanding, wisdom, tolerance and love to help him overcome his weaknesses. 
Also remember that you must be prayerful because you don't have the capacity to change him or make him to believe in you but you can talk to the Almighty God who made him in his image and likeness and knows his personality much more than you think you know about him, and he's the only one who can fix him and make him whole. 
If he's willing to subject himself to counselling, maybe it will be a good opportunity to help him understand what marriage truly entails and how he can nurture his marriage. But do not forget that is not a cocktail party, but a lifetime journey and it's wise not to make assumptions or accept a man whose attitudes and attributes you are not comfortable with.

3 comments:

  1. It's very difficult to back off after spending almost a decade of your life glued to one hell of a man...
    It's unbelievable that you never noticed any of these signs for over seven years..
    It doesn't sound true...
    I think you rather chose to ignore the few signs you saw or you probably chose to interpret them as trivial issues that will change in marriage...
    From the way you sound, you really want to be with this man at all cost...You don't even want to consider backing off as an option as if you're in a blood convenant with him..Your problem is how to win his love back...
    Unfortunately...His heart knows where it belongs no matter what you do to win it...It doesn't happen that way...
    Something strong really kept you for 7 years..
    A normal Nigerian woman will never wait for a man for so long...
    As far as I'm concerned...your destiny is in your own hands...
    You do not have his baby and his dowry can still be returned...Everything is still easy..Convincing you to do the needful is the only difficulty now...
    It takes an extraordinary miracle to change a man who drinks and womanizes..
    If you wouldn't back off, simply stick with his behavior and wait on the lord to change him but you must get ready to take whatever you see even while hoping...
    Be wise my sister...
    Marriage is not a do or die affair...
    Soldier come....Soldier go...
    Barrack go still remain...

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  2. @Joseph: Gbam. You have said it all.
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