Sunday, April 10, 2016

I'm Hurting, Sad and Moody!

Good day Mrs Van-Lare and everyone in the house. Please, I need your candid advice.

I met a man sixteen years ago and he came for my introduction at that time. We've been living together for fourteen years now, and have two promising sons.
The problem is that, he blatantly refused to pay my BRIDE PRIZE. I have been pleading and begging him. I've prayed and prayed about it, yet he refused. Meanwhile the list my dad gave him was very cheap because, he (my dad) refused to be influenced by his kinsmen.
Now, my parents (both) are late without tasting my marriage drink, and I feel so guilty and empty inside- knowing that this man spent nothing on my head and contributed nothing to my life.
I am not a liability as I have my work. In fact, he is the one who is always in and out of jobs. Most times, I pay utility bill, children school fees(always), rent, feeding etc.

The most annoying part is that he reports every misunderstanding to his folks who never one day asked from me but have taken sides with him.
When my mum took ill for three years before she died, neither him nor any member of his family visited her. During the funeral (of my mum and dad, at different times) none of them showed up and I was left ALL ALONE.
He doesn't hit me but verbally he is a demon.

Right now, I don't have any feelings for him, in fact I don't pray for him anymore.

NOTE: I waited all this while because I am a christian and didn't want to have children for different men.
My question is:
1) Is introduction marriage?
2) If I move out, will that be sinful before God?
3) If I move out, what will I call that? Separation, divorce or what?
4) How will I explain my moving out to the kids?-they are quite intelligent.
Please, kindly advice.
Thank you.

Introduction is a ceremony where the family of the man officially meets with the family of the bride to express their intention and interest in getting married to their daughter. Just as a man meets with a lady and introduces himself, the man's family meets with the lady's family and introduces themselves to the lady's family and then express the very purpose for which they came. 
When the family have accepted their intentions and their daughter have identified with their intention and interest in getting married to her, a list of the requirements for the traditional wedding ceremony will be presented to the other family and they will go back and prepare for the most important wedding ceremony in the life of a lady which is the traditional wedding. 
The most significant and the most important thing that is done on the traditional wedding is paying of the lady's dowry also known as the bride prize. It's a token that the man's family presents as an evidence that the man desires to marry the lady and is willing to give his all to be with the lady. It's not the selling of a lady but it's to strengthen the relationship between families who are now one in building a new family. 
If this dowry is not paid by the family of the man, the lady has no value in the land of her husband, she cannot be counted or addressed as the family members, she will be addressed as a concubine (please this is not an insult on your personality). A concubine is a sex mate of a man who lives with him and perhaps have children for him. 
While the family of the man will always lay claim to your children, none of them will identify with you as the wife of their son and whatever rites that his wife ought to have, you will never be given any. 
In the presence of God, you are not married but committing fornication with him. The fact is that if your husband chose to only pay for your dowry and refuse to perform other traditional wedding rites, you will always be addressed as his wife in Heaven and in the whole universe but since he never paid your dowry, sincerely you are a single lady cohabiting with a man. 
Because introduction is not marriage, the first thing you must do is to move out of his house with your children(in many traditions, any man who hasn't paid for the dowry of a lady, can't lay claims to her children) and organise your life until he's ready to do the right thing. 
Moving out is not sinful before God, cohabiting with him and sleeping with him is what is sinful. 
Because you were never married to him, moving out is neither separation, divorce nor absconding from your marriage but it's setting your foundation right and making peace with God so that you and your children will not be mocked or insulted someday in their life as a result of your decision to live with him. 
Anyone who read this detailed information about introduction and dowry will understand why it's very important for you to set your records right and amend your ways. Let your children know the truth and understand why you must move out and press for his family to come and meet the traditional requirements for getting married to you. 
If he refuses to do so after a period of time, then you may need to move on with your life and consider getting married to another man who will make you his legitimate wife and not a baby making factory, fitted with air-condition to cool his life and take care of his responsibilities while he inserts his penis into your vagina at will.
Your value, your beauty, and your prestige as a lady is in getting married legitimately to a man who is responsible and willing to pay for your dowry and at least meet the traditional requirements for getting married to a lady. 
Please do not sell your value for any sentiments, I will encourage you to put an end to the cohabitation so that you can organise your life and take good care of your children.


  1. Please move out as you are on your way to hell after suffering emotionally on earth.
    You are only fornicating and being used at the same time.

  2. Please move out , you are so on the wrong path.

  3. Been down this road I waited for 10 yes before my dad passed and although he came to the funeral he was of no help at all while I tried to bury my dad and was looking for money he bought a new car no member of his family came
    Once my dad was gone and I had spent 10yrs begging and nothing came of it I took my 3 sons and off I went I didn't look back
    If anyone sacrifices so much for another person and not the slightest gratitude or repentance is shown the do not deserve a second change
    I'd rather be alone than unhappy

    1. The LORD is your strenght dearest.

    2. You are one helluva strong woman. God will certainly redirect ur steps back to his original plans for you and restore the years you have lost with double fold blessings in Jesus ' name! 😚

    3. You are one helluva strong woman. God will certainly redirect ur steps back to his original plans for you and restore the years you have lost with double fold blessings in Jesus ' name! 😚


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