Monday, April 11, 2016

Will I Be a Wife Beater?

Hello, I'm disturbed about this. When I was small, I use to beat girls and my sister then and I have been in several relationships and never beat any of my ladies except one... She go through my phone and at times when we are having argument, she will be the one to throw anything close to her..
I will warn her that if she's the man in this relationship that she will be beating me. One day she hooked me and was telling me to beat her that if I try it, she will do that to family and a lot of shit was coming out from her mouth.
For the first in my life I beat her.. and we broke up because I can't marry a woman I can beat. But since then if I hear wife beater I feel guilt inside me. Could this be a sign that I will beat my wife? This has been scaring me cos my now girlfriend is so good that if I think of not being a good husband to her in future, I prefer leaving her for another man to marry her than for me to ever hurt her. Do you think I'm going to be a wife beater?

Most times wife batterers never thought in their heart that they will ever lay a finger on their wives but when emotions clashed with ego, battering became the result and consistent ego clashing with emotions always made men to constantly batter their wives. 
They may hide under so many excuses just like you did and then look for who to blame but the basic foundation of beating your partner begins with you. 
To help you overcome such clashes, you must understand your emotions, then understand the emotions of your partner and then expand your capacity to accommodate the counter reactions of emotions, and the suppression of your ego for you to enjoy your marriage. 
What I'm writing sounds so easy and beautiful but it's very very difficult for a man in particular, and there is never an excuse that is justifiable for you to raise your hand, let alone beating your wife. This is because the damage caused by fighting with your partner or beating your partner is worse and emotionally destructive in the lives of partners than whatever excuses for your action.
To start with, a beautiful lady has the tendency to naturally provoke you, she doesn't do that because she desires to hurt but but she does that because she loves you and she wishes to build her territory around you as the head. She is always curious to know that she's still the only lady in your life and sometimes may do some certain things that will make you feel like raging.. Lol but instead of fighting her, you can simply allow her and make her comfortable and assured in your love. 
Even when a lady throws things at you or hooks you and challenges you, you must always remember that the most violent is always the one who is emotionally weak and instead of attacking or retaliating which your ego will naturally push for, you may decide to go down, plead and explore other avenues to resolve the difference and then invest more time to help her understand what happened. 
Every single day of a lady's life, she's under the influence of her emotions and sometimes there's a possibility that she may not understand what she did until she's done with it, which is why as a man you must learn to look beyond what she's doing, or saying and listen more to her inner pains, worries, concerns, challenges and discomforts so that you don't react but you will resolve the challenge without hitting her. 
Some ladies would love to hear "baby I'm sorry", sing it like a song, whisper to her ears, act it like a drama and say it like you're dying, some may desire some time, some may wish for a gift and some will crave for validation and empathy and this is why you need to invest more time in understanding your partner and giving so much love that before she reacts in an unfriendly manner, you would have known how best to communicate to her heart. 
So what you need is not to be afraid but to develop yourself by understanding your emotional attributes and needs, and how you can communicate effectively with your wife without allowing your emotions to get hold of your heart. 
You need to constantly feed yourself with the word of God, study materials that teaches extensively on emotional intelligence and learn how to be patient with your wife so that you don't end up allowing your ego to get a better part of your personality. 
So don't panic or feel inadequate in yourself but let the experience you had in the past remind you that you are vulnerable just like many other men but then take the steps and the decision within your heart never to allow your ego to destroy what you are investing your life to build. 

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