Thursday, May 12, 2016

I Don't Want His Mum!

Hello ma, please am very confused. My marriage is barely a year now and we have a baby. We are both working and my younger sister is staying with me and taking care of the baby. The problem is that she is meant to go for youth service by November but lately she has been complaining that she needs to go and do clearance in school and secondly she can't keep staying at home that she needs a job pending when she goes for service.
I have been seriously looking for a maid but haven't seen one and hubby is against the idea of a stranger coming to take care of his child. So I suggested we put the child in Cretche but he said he can't afford it. Now he wants to bring his mother to come and stay, initially he said for three months, now he says until the child is up to a year which is a long way off. I don't feel comfortable with the idea of his mum leaving her husband to come and stay here for so long, the last time she came she complained of about everything, complained about my dressing, complained that I have too many shoes and bags and that we are wasting money buying shoes. She selects food and doesn't eat most things I cook, she will refuse to eat the soup I made, complaining that I didn't use dry fish to make the soup so she can't eat it.
She refused to eat almost everything I cook but will be complaining that there is so much hunger in my house despite the fact that I always make like two or three soups plus stew on weekends and that in her house they use to fry chicken for her to eat. Despite refusing to eat in my house she went back home and told my in-laws that I didn't give her food when she came to my house. So my father-in-law and my husband's siblings started calling my husband to complain.
I don't want to pass through that kind of pressure again. Secondly, hubby is now saying that he can't afford to keep two people in the same house meaning that my sister has to go, but am not happy because my sister has been of great help to us and the baby and kicking her out now just because his mother is coming seems unfair to me. I was hoping he could allow her stay till when she has to go for youth service although things are tight financially now. The whole issue is bringing conflict in my home, am just confused.

I understand that everyone is trying to protect their own relative which is normal, but I will be as objective as possible.
There's a need for someone who will assist you in taking care of your baby and you are not comfortable with his mother coming around to stay with you.
My question is, what other alternative do you have in mind? I so much appreciate your reasons why she should not come and stay with you and they are all valid reasons but if you have another alternative, I will suggest that you let your husband know and let him know that it's not necessarily in the best interest of his father to be left alone because of your child.
Here is what I suggest, your sister has been of great help to you and all she's craving for is to be appreciated by you and your husband so that when it's time for her national assignment, she will have some funds for clearance and the camping materials. What if you give her a token to encourage her and plead with her to give you some time pending when she's ready for the program or when you have gotten someone else who will take care of your baby, don't you feel that she may sacrifice working to help you out?
I feel that she will definitely be happy with you and be patient with you being your very own sister and family. Depending on her school, she can be cleared three weeks before the orientation programme as long as she has the funds to pay her dues.
In dealing with this, try to make sure that you are very objective so that you don't give your husband the impression that you don't like his mother. Let him know that you understand the financial challenges that both of you experience at the moment and you are working hard to help him minimise his experiences. Let him know that you so much wished that his mother will come back but that he will be leaving his father with no wife to take care of his needs and help him when he needs his wife around him, which is why you suggest that both of you could consider giving your sister some stipends like N5000 or more every month so that she will be more patient with you as you look for someone that you are comfortable with.
If he vehemently refuses to accept your decision, allow him to bring his mother so that your sister can go back home and prepare for the national service.

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