Thursday, May 19, 2016

Want to Leave this Hell called Marriage!

Good evening madam, my friend told me how you've been helping people by solving their problem. I am 19 years old, I got pregnant when I was 17 years then in SS3, was about writing my WAEC. I got pregnant and my boyfriend who was in his 300L denied me in front of my parents and his too, I felt as if my world was crashing though my sister asked me to abort it but I couldn't, I was so scared and I asked God to forgive me and see me through this pain I caused for myself.
My family started maltreating me, I could stay for weeks without food, at times my neighbours will feed me. I never for once got angry or hated my family cos I knew it was all my fault. I should have concentrated on my studies, it was my cross and I was ready to bear it all. A friend of my mum came and told her that someone asked her to bring a wife for him. When I was accepted it cos the last I went to the hospital, the doctor said I was runing short of blood and I should eat properly for the sake of my baby. I couldn't even afford money for drugs nor food so this made me accept the man for the sake of my child who I didn't want to be called a bastard nor to die.
He gave my mummy's friend money for my dowry and they paid it all and the following week I went to live with him, little did I know that I was getting married to a man who was 54 years old while I was 17 years old. When we started living together, I found out that he was once married and got separated. I accepted my faith and decided to stay because of my child. After few months I gave birth to a boy, he was so happy so was I too, but little did I know that he can't impregnate a woman and when he does, I do have miscarriage three months of the pregnancy. He asked me to go out and get pregnant that I shouldn't tell him if I do nor tell him who I had it with.
Aunty Amara it has not being easy for me, am 19 years old and he's 56 years old, though I have come to like him, and have decided to stay cos of my son who means everything to me cos he once told me that if I want to go am free but I should have it in mind that am not going with my son and I can't imagine leaving my son. All I want is the best for him, after all, am the cause of his problem, I should have waited and give birth to him in a proper way.
Now the man am married to is frustrating me, he doesn't give me money to to take care of myself, the worst is he doesn't give me money for food and when he does, he gives me N1000. I borrowed money and started a street business but the business failed cos he refused bringing money for feeding and I had to feed the family through the business. The worst of it is that he beats me up at very slightest thing I do.
Ma we fight almost every day, the truth is I want to leave this hell called marriage but my fear is losing my son cos he keeps repeating if I want to leave I should but I am not leaving with my son. Please what do I do?
Though he lost his job but his bed is his companion, he has refused to go and look for job, he's always asking his brothers for money and when I told him to stop he said I should also ask my own brothers for money that we shouldn't only be eating his own brothers money. Am sick and tired of all these, I have not told my parents yet cos am sure nobody will listen to me because I brought it all on myself. If I have not gotten pregnant out of wedlock what would a girl of 19 years be doing with a man of 56 years who acts like a baby?
We had a fight recently and his elder sisters came to the house and also repeated that am free to leave that she can take care of my son. It was from there I got to know that all he wanted back then was a pregnant woman who would give him a child. I don't want to do again, all I want is to leave the marriage together with my son, I don't mind working and remaining single if that will make me give him the best. Please once again what should I do?

You were simply lured to him and was deceived by those who recommended him to you. Your son has nothing to do with him, he cannot lay claim to your son because he paid your dowry if you choose to walk away from the marriage.
You have tried and you shouldn't die in a place where your presence is not appreciated by him and his family. Your son is your son and one of the steps that you must do is to return his dowry back to him and go to the law of competent jurisdiction to restrain him and his family from laying claim of your son or threatening your life in any manner, form or way.
If your friend is willing to offer you accommodation while you organise yourself and start up a business, please consider the option and move on with your life.
Let your family members know what you have been experiencing and your decision to move on with your life so that they can officially return the dowry to him so that you can venture into a healthy relationship and equip yourself with the virtues and skills that you need to succeed in life and in your marriage.


  1. Good comment Amara. That is exectly what l would say. The man has no right over that child, he is not the father of the child. My dear the earlier you move on the better for you, don't be afraid just take the right step as Amara told u.


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