Thursday, May 19, 2016

Did I Offend Him?

Aunty, good day and God bless you for your great work here. Please help me out with this. It will be quite lengthy so please forgive me but I need you and the house to tell me if I was faulty so I know where I went wrong.

I met a guy in January through my girlfriend who is a childhood friend to this guy. We are both 29 years of age. My friend told me the guy needed a serious relationship and he was ready to settle down and said she wanted to connect me to the guy since I wasn't seeing anyone at the moment. So I agreed and she gave him my contacts and we started chatting and talking on phone as he is base in Lagos while my friend and I are here in Benin City.

Just two weeks to our chat, he asked that I travel down to meet him but it wasn't a good idea to me considering the fact that we would be meeting for the first time. I thought it wise that he should come first, besides he has a family here in Benin, after which I can start going to see him. To him, it wasn't a big deal cos he kept pleading that I come that he won't take me for granted and that our friend connected us and so I should trust him and whenever I declined he would say that I'm just playing hard to get. Well I still didn't consider it.

I made him know that I don't condone a sexual relationship and asked him what's his take on it and he said he's a christian and that his ways are God's standard but later on in the course of our chat, when I asked "hope we won't be having sex at any time when we finally start dating (cos that's how it always go with few guys I have met, they say no, only to start asking later. NB: I'm not a virgin anymore but I chose not to continue with it after I lost it six years ago) and his reply was yes" that since it was a distance relationship, it's only going to be when we see.
That wasn't cool with me whether once in a while or not, I don't want sex at all and we kept whining on it, he concluded by saying we should forget the matter for now but that if he doesn't ask for it now, it must surely come from him later, that I have to also consider him that he is a man. Well I allowed the matter to lay but that doesn't stop him from addressing me as his girlfriend and even wife, talking about marriage, asking me to go to his family house in Benin if I think he isn't for real but I told him to save all that until we meet one on one. Still, he would refer it to me as playing hard to get.

It happened that I lost my dad in March and he was buried within three weeks. He travelled down to attend the burial and stayed one more week after the burial for his cousin's wedding. The following day after our burial, he came to see me and asked of what I think of him now that I have seen him, but I lightly told him that, that can wait as I'm still mourning and it wasn't the right time to talk about love (well I guess I was taking my dad's death too hard and too far).
He took it to mean that I didn't like him but I told him that wasn't the case and I showed him in every form that I appreciated his coming. I made sure he eats whenever he was around. I held his hand, laughed with him, play with his shirt. Maybe that wasn't enough. The second day being the last day he came, he asked that I come and see him in his family house in Benin as he would be travelling back to Lagos the next day but I wasn't in the mood to be going out as at then and I told him, due to the stress of the burial and me being the first of my mom, I became ill and wanted to always be in the house for the time being but he wasn't happy.

So when he travelled back to Lagos the next day, he stopped calling. I called to know if he arrived safely and I started doing all the calling from that day onward. Sometimes a week would go by and he wouldn't call. There was a day I called him and he said if I stopped hearing from him I should know he is busy but I reminded him that when he was persistent with his call initially that it's the same job he is doing now that he was doing then but he kept making excuses.
So when I chatted him up yestreday to know why the sudden change, he said to be frank with me that he has lost interest in calling me every now and then, that right now he sees me as a friend and not his lover or me being his girlfriend anymore. That he always said it that I'm playing too hard to get, that when he asked that I should be his girlfriend then, I based it on us seeing first and I said because that was the right thing to do.
Again he said when he came to Benin why didn't I talk about it, instead I said I was mourning, that what if I was my mom who lost her husband(my dad) that means I would have lost my mind by now, that do I think he is a kid who doesn't know what he wants. But I made him understand over chat, that me calling him all those times he stopped calling should let him know I appreciated him and his being around. He said well we are cool as just friends and friends we will always be.

I don't really know right now. Please could it be I was the one at fault? But it wasn't okay for me to talk about it then. I was really depressed due to my father's death cos we were the closest in the house. He knew so and even teased me by calling me daddy's girl when we chat. Do you think I went too far? I thought my calling him when he stopped calling would let him know that I like him. Did I really played too hard to get. I want to know in case of next time.
Thanks and God bless.

Please do not bug yourself over a selfish, insensitive, and inhumane human being who couldn't even hide his selfishness and insensitivity even when you needed him to be as fake as possible to pretend that he's a good man. 
A man who came when you were mourning the loss of your father and was making all these demands was being insensitive to your pains, your innermost struggles, fear and stress of losing someone so dear to your heart. 
He shouldn't have made everything so difficult for you and at the same time frustrate you all because he came around and wanted you to fall in love with him in a time when you needed his assurance, prayers and encouraging words most. 
The bitter truth is that, that young man came around for sex and since he didn't get the juice, he resorted to terminating the relationship and the best news is that you deserve better than whatever he promised to you. 


  1. Why wait till somebody dies or weds before coming to see you? #qdDOWNLOADS


  2. Nne in one sentence, 'TO HELL WITH HIM!!!'

  3. Nne in one sentence, 'TO HELL WITH HIM!!!'

  4. Gosh! what a really selfish man he is, soo soo obvious. He couldn't even pretend like aunty Amara said. Move on girl, u deserve only d best.


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