Monday, June 27, 2016

He Frowns at Church Wedding.

Thanks Amara for all your good work trying to fix relationship problems. May your days be long I pray, Amen. Please ma, I am in one big problem. I am married for almost four years now. I have a daughter whom I love so much. I and my husband weren't long into dating before I became pregnant. So we quickly had the traditional marriage done.
Since then, it's being one problem or another. So we have not had our church wedding. My husband wants me to get a better job and he wants other children too. I am a graduate 28 years and he is nine years older and a graduate too.
It's not been easy with going to work and taking care of our daughter almost alone but to God be the glory. I have never stopped praying for my marriage and our financial problems. I have always supported him in any way I can, even on our daughter's school fees but no appreciation. He is always angry if I spend my savings on my personal needs like my cream or soap or hair.
His family at first said that I used the pregnancy to tie their brother. They made their brother throw me out of the house which he did. After some months, he came back to my father's house begging. After begging me to come back severally, I agreed to go back to his house because I love him.
He has improved a little in taking advice from his mother. But he never appreciates all my efforts contributing to the growth of our home. Any time he talks about another child, I try to make him understand the need for the church wedding since we are both Christians. But he flares up and acts as if he regrets our union.
I spent my free time crying myself out to God in prayers because I can't cry to anyone from both families. I don't know what I should do. I have doubts sometime after trying all Christian and positive ways of making my home better but almost all turn up badly hurting me. I don't even feel like having sex anymore, I am always sad with myself.
Amara please I need your advice and that of your fan to draw my final conclusions. Thanks.

Though white wedding is beautiful and lovely and I personally encourage couples to bless their marriage in church.  However, white wedding is actually not the most important ceremony for couples.
The two most important aspects of getting married is paying the dowry and the customary wedding or what you call the court wedding.
The first one is where your parents bless you and pray for your marriage while the second one gives you a legal backing as a married individual all over the world.
I'm not against your desire to walk down the isle on your white robe with your husband, but I feel that you should consider your financial capacity and your responsibilities as a couple before sharing your thoughts with him with respect to the church wedding.
If your financial capacity can't cater for a glamorous wedding, maybe you should suggest a mini wedding or a private wedding so that both of you can get your marriage certificate and focus on taking care of your family and planning for your children.
I understand that you so much desire to conduct church wedding but it will be counterproductive for you to deny your husband of sex or work against getting pregnant because that may push your husband to do something that might be terrible or unpleasant to you.
So go back to the drawing board, discuss extensively with your husband and suggest ways both of you can achieve this goal and at the same time strengthen your marriage and avoid unnecessary tension and struggles.
Whether he appreciates your efforts or not, whether he's excited or cold, you are already married to him and if he's not physically or emotionally abusive, then both of you can work together and bring out the best in your marriage.

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