Sunday, June 5, 2016

Am I an Option to Her?

Good day, Aunty Amara. Please I have been an avid follower of your page. Let me still use this medium to pour out my condolences for the demise of your father.
Am a young man of 29 years, gainfully employed. I have a challenge that is bothering me. I dated a lady in the year 2013 with full intent to marry, though still young in age back then, I made my intention known to her that I need a relationship that will culminate in marriage.
The going was fine at the onset, as time went on I realized some unbecoming behaviors like not picking my calls at the appropriate time, making of financial demands for her academics and upkeep, denying me access to her phone, snapping with different men and posting them on social media.
I was not particularly cool with her inability to pick my calls on weekends especially in the evening time, I confronted her with my dissatisfaction and she promised to turn a new leaf. Around June that same year, she didn't pick my calls for one week, I was emotionally dissolution because I have a guy passion for her. The upper week she notified me that she lost her Dad. I assisted her family financially and otherwise during the burial.
After the burial, subconsciously I knew she wasn't with me and I asked her to know whether what we discussed was still the same way, without mincing words, she told me that she was not ready for any serious relationship. I nearly got paralyzed because I loved her unconditionally. I rationalized that my feelings towards her were not reciprocated by her.
I counted my losses and moved on, meanwhile one friend of mine told me earlier that there was a young man she was dying for. She denied about the existence of anybody in her life apart from me, and I believed her. Based on the sad news she gave me, I realized that I was living in a fool's paradise. I stopped calling her, she at the other way round didn't call.
Just last month I chanced on her at a shopping mall, she hugged me and requested for my numbers, I gave them to her after inquiring about her well being. She has been calling me on daily basis, I once asked her to ascertain why she treated me so badly and abandoned me for over three years upon how nice I was to her.
She claimed that her dad's death disorganized her, that was the reason she behaved strangely back then. I am now afraid to consider her because of my deeply entrenched believe that she was with another man then, may be it didn't work out and she wanted to use me now as an alternative. Though I don't have a strong relationship but I don't want to be an option in any lady's life. Please I need your candid advise.

The painful part of your mail is that she's still comfortable with her lies, deception and manipulations. She feels that she could feed you with any rubbish and then get you to start dolling out your cash to impress her. 
From what you wrote here, she was using you to achieve his financial target and exploit you to her benefit. How come her father's death didn't make her lose your number for her to request for financial support? 
How come was she treating you like a stranger and then suddenly remember you when she's in need? 
If she was at least honest enough to admit her shortcomings and was willing to apologise and make amends, perhaps I would have encouraged you to consider her. 
But one truth I must tell you is that you are only an option to her and if she meets a man who she feels is better than you are, she will most likely decamp to be with her. 
There are so many things that she's not saying and until she's ready for the real talk about her games, please don't lead yourself into destruction by accepting her back. 
When she tells you the truth about all she has been doing, maybe we can then discuss about her convictions now and then I can share my thoughts with you.


  1. Mr you left our an important detail. How old is the girl? What do youwant by young? All you grown ass men will be dating teenagers and you come here to complain. Pls go and date a more mature woman.

  2. I think Sis Amara has said it all but maybe my little story could help you.
    I once dated a very "nice" girl at the early stage of my life. she was the first love of my life. We dated for a period of three years or more. She claimed to be born again then but I never knew that I was seen as her ATM machine. She made me believe that she was a virgin and as such I decided not to touch her nor do anything that will make her lose the virginity. Honestly I had in mind of marrying her. When I started life I could remember emptying my account then to solve her problems. But in 2012, she demanded for three hundred thousand naira. Well I had the money to give her but on a second thought I was really afraid of being used by any woman. Before now I had told her my intention of making her my journey-mate. I agreed to give her the money but attached a small and important clause to it which is bringing my people to her parents for an official introduction. She said no that she cannot accept that. I now said I was not going to give her the money. I told her that three hundred thousand was quit a huge sum to dash out to a girl friend.She told me after much persuasion from me to know why she wouldn't marry me that we were like brothers. I never knew that she was dating a fellow deeper lifer.She stopped picking my calls. To cut the long story short, She eloped with the "Brother" Did all kinds of rubbish. Last year she had that maybe the small boy she use to know has become a man. she started calling me again.She told me how the "brother" used and dumpt her after series of abortions. To be candid I loved and still love her. But when I spoke with my mentor and my mom, they sat me down and said son " Any woman that leaves because of material thing and comes back when things changes will also leave if their is a crack on the wall" It was difficult to bid her goodbye but I did. Now I have a very nice woman in my life. She knows her too well and all that. Finally tell her that no one eats his or her cake and have it back. She is a miserable goldiger and as such does not deserve a second chance. It will be difficult to do it dear but it is worth doing.

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  4. Sis Amara can please start. Previewing comment before it ben posted scarmer are now here

  5. Dear brother, please that lady isn't a wife material at all,a woman worth a wife won't be manupulative, she knows u have a kind tendered heart that y she's want to use u now,i know u love her but she's just a player .ur own woman is coming and when you meet her u will know as for her she's just a story,what bad smart guy do to those kind of rebounce gurl, is used and dump them back with no kobo


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