Sunday, June 5, 2016

How Do I Groom His Daughter?

Hello madam, how are you doing and your lovely family. Please I need to address an issue on my family and advice on how to deal with them.
February this year my step 13 years daughter ran away from home where she lives with her mother and step father and three step brothers, and reported to social services and the police that her mother doesn't take care of her. After the incident she started living with us. I have no problem with that cause she's living with her father.
But my worries are the way my husband ignore so many things. Most times when I serve her food after eating she would leave the dish and her father would take it away. Also when she wakes up, she doesn't greet both of us. When I advice her that she has to greet, my husband would not say anything. There are many things I can't say here that I have witnessed.
Sometimes I feel stupid cos my husband doesn't try to say more regarding advising her and I see a lot of things going on which is making me so angry. As a born again Christian, do I ignore her or leave her cos I don't want to look like a nagging woman? Because if she was my child, I would not stop until she learn. Please help my burden heart. God bless

You see, parenting is a difficult task for men most times because they're not emotionally connected to their children as much as their mothers. It's possible that your husband feels some form of sympathy and pity for his daughter and he's trying his best to manage her presence in your life in such a manner that she wouldn't be a challenge for you and your husband.
It's also possible that because of what she went through in the hands of her mother and step father, she could have been traumatised and she may take some time to adjust to your home and adjust in her attitude to you and your husband.
You don't have any other options but to step in and take care of her as your precious daughter. Your mission should be to win her love and trust instead of always complaining to her father about her attitude, take your time to understand her personality, her psychology and emotional development, ignore her shortcomings and remember that with time she will definitely change.
Life means so much to her and she has seen quite a lot living with step parents and now in your care. Find out her experiences when she was with her mum, engage her to talk about her fears, challenges and worries.
Don't scold her or make her feel that she's in a strange land, but welcome her, give her pet names, stop reporting her to your husband every now and then and take her as your own daughter and closest sister.
When you have won her trust and love, you can easily influence her and she will respond to your request. Forget about her age and stop expecting so much from her. If she does something that requires some level of correction, please inform her father and where possible, let him be the one to correct her.
Pray for her, grow with her and let your presence in your life help her realise her personality, potentials and passion in life. Don't be too strict with her but don't be too loose so that she can at least learn to respect and listen to you when necessary.
In your interest, please do not let the presence of his daughter be your bedroom topic every now and then. I want to believe that you were aware of her presence before you got married to her. This is your time to play your role and balance everything in your home.
With some measure of discipline, love. patience and prayers, I'm hopeful that you will appreciate her presence in your life and can be very much helpful to you when you give birth to your own children.

1 comment:

  1. Also sit ur husband down and talk about parenting and disciplinary measures. He may feel guilty of not being much of a father figure and tries compensating by spoiling her


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