Monday, July 11, 2016

Am Expected to be Married but He's not Ready.

Good morning Aunty Amara, this is the second time am writing you. I have a pressing issue so I need your sincere advice. I met this guy few years back(2012) but barely gave him attention but his perseverance paid off. We officially started a relationship this year, he proposed but I've not given him a reply. He is self employed(though the work flow isn't encouraging)and single handledly trained himself in the university but presently waiting for youth service probably next year.
My problem is am in my late twenties and he is few months older, am expected to be married by now and he isn't ready yet. I told him I can't wait for him but he's pleading that I give him two years so he can get a permanent job. It's a distant relationship and he visits often, he wants to visit my family but am scared for two reasons
1. He is not ready yet and I don't want to put myself into an unnecessary pressures.
2. I had a suitor that visited before but we couldn't continue because he wanted premarital sex which is against my believe as a person so if I bring him home and later we don't marry, my family might see me as an unserious lady.
This guy is special, caring, understanding etc, he doesn't hide anything from me including his finances but waiting for two years scares me.
Aunty I've discussed it with him severally, my fears and insecurities, but he always reassures me. I have other suitors but this guy is more than a friend to me. I express myself more with him and he acts more maturedly than his age, in fact most times I purposely act funny but he will still apologise. I love him but he loves me more.
Aunty they say there's no fear in love but I get scared and I don't hide my feelings from him but he keeps reassuring me. Two years is a long while for me 'cos am not getting any younger. We communicate at least for thirty minutes to one hour each day. He is visiting this week, I don't know what to do. Do I call off this relationship? If I do I'll hurt myself and him too 'cos we are fond of each other. I speak with his siblings often but he wants us to visit his family (he doesn't stay with his family). Aunty please help me.

Some ladies are more worried about their age than they are about getting married to their best friend or the right partner. Some are more concerned with the opinions of others forgetting that marriage is not a decision you make under pressure or with motive to impress anyone. 
If only you could look beyond your fears and imagine how beautiful it will be to get married to your own best friend, blessing, and your companion, you will realise that you are truly blessed to wait for him than you will be if you rush to marry any man who you are not comfortable with. 
Never you allow the expectations of others about your life push you into getting married to a man because sooner or later, you will realise that marriage is not for others but for you own journey. 
If both of you are comfortable with each other, both of you are convinced that you're meant for each other, and that both of you can grow in love with each other, I feel that you can actually work with him and hopefully support him in your own little way to make the marriage a reality even if it be a low key wedding ceremony. 
On your part you can work towards raising some funds to add to his own efforts to enable both of you achieve more and settle down in no distant future. 
From your mail I could tell that your relationship is natural, beautiful and adorable, and breaking up with him will only frustrate your plan to have a happy home, and also make you desperate for wedding without considering the outcome of such a hasty decision. 
If sacrificing a little more time will make you to enjoy the rest of your life in marital bliss, I feel that it's worth it than for you to rush out, get married and then spend the rest of your life in regrets and emotional pains. 
However, if you feel that you cannot wait for him and you feel that you are better off without him or you feel that two years is too much or you feel that he's not strong enough to take good care of you and your needs, kindly let him know and bid him goodbye.


  1. Wonderful advice.

    well done Ma.

  2. In that 2yrs u can make urself a better person,empower urself and be self dear the most adorable tin in marriage is getting married to ur friend,dont look at age at about rushing. MaRiage now and still take yrs before pregnacy, my dear that won't be ur. Portion, just relax and build love with him and am sure u will surely not regret it.let him meet with ur parent and probably to a small introduction then after. U can be. Planing wedding while u build ur home


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