Sunday, July 24, 2016

How Can I be Completely Transparent with Him?

Good day Ma
God bless you for the wonderful way you have been helping people and more grease to your elbow. I really need you to help me before I lose a good man.
I love this man and trusts him so much, I know he loves me deeply but doesn't trust me but it's mostly my fault, am not being transparent, it's a distance relationship but he tries in every way to make it work, same applies to me, we're pratically on phone every time, it made our bond very strong.

The problem was that the last time he came, he saw a chat on my phone, a guy was flirting with me, and I was leading the guy on(this guy in question, I have told him am in a relationship buh he keeps pestering, it was more like I was flirting). He got angry, I have apologised and told him I have nothing to do with the guy but our communication has been strained, he said when we talked and chatted almost all the time, yet I had time to be flirting with another person, and I never mentioned this person that was asking me out to him for once.

I was wrong, but I never had anything in mind, I can't cheat or think of being with another person, most of our misunderstanding is always from me, trust issues, I need help on how to be completely transparent with him, help on how to deal with distractions. I know am so used to doing things by myself, taking decisions by by self, I just need help, need to make this work because this strain in communication is killing me. The relationship is a year old.

It's killing me, I can't keep it to myself, I needed to bare it to someone, I just want us back as we used to be, talk sense into me, don't spare any word, hit me with the truth

He had a bad experience, he told me about it and I don't hurt him in a similar way, knowingly or unknowingly, it's not everyday we meet people like him, he's rare and God's gift, I just don't want to lose him.
Help me Ma'am
I don't want to hurt him in similar way

One of the ways to strengthen relationships and bonds of love and trust is not only by doing the things that we feel that is right to us but by also avoiding anything that may trigger negative emotions like distrust, regrets, fears and worries in the relationship.
Granted that you had the right to chat with anyone you deemed fit, allowing such a conversation in your phone was only sending a subtle message that suggests that you are available for a date, friendship or relationship with the individual.
Though there may not be anything going on between you and the man you were flirting with, every infidelity always begins with a harmless communication that exploits challenging moments in a relationship.
If you and your partner were having a serious misunderstanding, and the man comes promising you love and paradise, the harmless chat will become a useful tool in your decision making that may either affect your relationship positively or negatively.
Be that as it may, I'm certain that you have learnt your lessons and will never repeat such in your relationship or marriage.
Any careless chats and purposeless communication will not help your relationship or marriage, so avoid it as much as you can.
Where there's absolute honesty and transparency, there will never be a room for suspicion. Your partner was offended because in his bid to create intimacy, the state of oneness where all that goes on in your life is known to him, he discovered that there's so much about your personality that he doesn't relate to.
If you were very honest from the very beginning, there's no way he will react in the manner that he did because he would have trusted that you will take care of the other person.
To avoid such, put him in the picture of all your endeavours especially as it concerns your relationship with men so that he wouldn't feel that he's dating a stranger.
Apologise to him and reassure him of your decision, convictions and vision for the relationship. Don't lose yourself in your bid to win a good man, he needs to have some level of confidence in your personality and quit judging you by his past relationships.
Give him some time and I'm hopeful that he will improve on his communication and commitment to the relationship.

1 comment:

  1. joke about all your admires their advances and reason y you wouldn't exchange him for them , tell him how how unique he his what makes him different and how u will never cheat on him,
    it gradual but with time he will come around


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