Saturday, July 23, 2016

Should I Marry Out of Pity?

Aunty Amara good morning ma, please I need your advice and that of the group. There is this guy, he helped me to secure admission in one of the universities in Nigeria. When I was in year one, he has graduated but the truth of the matter is that I don't love him. I have tried my possible best to do so, at a point he stopped calling for some years, it was around 2014.
I remembered what he did for me( admission), I started up a chat and call with him again, not because I love him but because of what he did for me. I was forcing myself to love him but it was not working..
We were not staying in the same town, when he came back for election he did not bother to see me. The next thing he did was to call me to come to Lagos of which I told him nope. Since you came back and did not bother to see me, he stopped calling and I stopped too. Most times he comes online without saying hi etc. During my youth service I met and fell in love with my fellow corp member and things has been moving good and smooth. He is planning to come see my people this December by the grace of God.
Just yesterday the guy that helped to secure admission called me and asked me to come to Lagos. I told him am sorry I can't. He asked me if am engaged? I told him yes, he said okay. My question now is, is it right to marry someone out of pity? Is it right to marry someone because of the help he offered you?

Your mail was silent on your relationship with the man that helped you gain an admission in the university. You didn't tell me if he asked you out, if you accepted him then, if you made any promise to him, if you loved him then or if you were dating him before the admission came. 
But from your question, I feel that you are feeling guilty about your actions or decision with respect to your attitude to this man. 
The simple rule of thumb is that you don't marry out of pity or because of what you gained from an individual. But I have to chip this in, you don't make a promise and then disappoint the individual without even making peace with the person because it may backfire in the future. 
Since you are not in love with him, please don't get married to him out of pity or because of what he did for you, but I will also encourage you to please talk with him and make peace with him before moving on with your partner especially if you directly or indirectly had an agreement to date him in the past.
That's the only way to for you to move on with your life and avoid anything that maybe a hindrance for you in the future.

1 comment:

  1. no reasonable girl does that my dear#marry a man outta pity,u end up bn pitied


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