Monday, July 25, 2016

I Feel Suicidal, Please Help!

I am a 27 years old lady who met my for ex fiancé three years ago. We started off as friends and kicked off a relationship. We loved each other so dearly, our love for each other was so strong that I use to say nothing can break or tear us and our love apart. We got to a point and he proposed to me, I accepted. His mother is never around as she is based in another country.
Each time she comes home, he won't take me to her so he one day told me that his mother said he cannot marry me because I'm from Delta state and they are Yoruba's, she even refused to see me. We continued to pray and fast, yet she refused to see me. My ex told me he would take me to her before his last trip abroad but didn't and when I asked him via chat, he told me he didn't because his mum still insists she wants Yoruba and we should give her little time to which I said okay.....

My ex returned to the county and tried again but she kept insisting I'm from Delta state so he decided to invite me home. I went after church on a Sunday, she didn't come out to see me till the evening when an uncle of theirs visited so she came out, I greeted her and that was all, she still didn't talk to me.
When I saw it was getting so late, I told my ex I wanted to leave as it was getting very late. We left, we saw her downstairs and told her I was leaving and so she started, she asked me what I do and I told her. She asked me where I live, I told her I live in the barracks. She asked why I should be living in the barrack, I told her It's because my father is a police. She asked my what my mum does, I told her my mum trades on provisions and so she she told me that I live in the barracks. That her son cannot marry anyhow person, he has uncles and aunties abroad and all over and lots of eyes are on him. I shouldn't look at him the way I'm looking at him because he is not just anyhow and she doesn't blame me, maybe it's the way he presented himself to me.
She asked me why he has not brought me and what was his reasons for not wanting to bring me home to her, she asked me to say it and kept putting pressure on me saying I should speak out or was it too heavy for me to say, I refused to talk because I knew what she wanted me to say 'he told me she has been refusing because I'm from Delta state'.
Said she doesn't like people who are not well cultured, I don't fit into what she wants for her son. She said a lot of hurtful things to me that day to which I just kept smiling and telling her I was sorry.
My ex kept telling me all will be well until it got to a point that I became very sick, my ex stopped talking to me, my condition became worse from chest pain to dizziness to malaria and to the point where I started feeling suicidal... I begged him to tell me If I offended him but he kept away until yesterday when he asked me to see him, I was very happy that at last I would be seeing him after a long time.
He told me he stopped talking to me so that I will develop a thick skin for bad news. I went there with an open mind too. I pleaded with him not to do so again as that almost ended me. He broke off the engagement and ended the relationship saying it's good one honors one's parent, he backed it up with a bible verse. He said each time he tried to talk to the mum to give me time and I will fit into what she wants she kept saying no way. I allowed him to say everything he wanted to say and I said no problem, I still give thanks to God. I pretended as though I was not hurt then I left. The picture of the breakup kept flashing my eyes, I told my family when I got home and they consoled me.

I decided to share this story so people will know that the issues of mothers picking wives for their children is still very much alive. I cannot believe at this age and time, tribe still matters to some people, the poor will for ever be poor as they forget that there is a tomorrow.
She only saw my today and ended my relationship, a woman like me, a mother for that matter. I can't sleep or function well, I'm feeling seriously suicidal. It's as though the world has ended for me, I loved him so much. I never believed that one day he will end our engagement after everything. He used to tell me money cannot buy the love he has for me, nothing can come between us.
I'm so exhausted, I feel like I don't want to live anymore. I feel suicidal, I cannot function at all. I wish I can run away to somewhere very far maybe to another country to start my life again for as long as I continue to stay here I will continue to feel this way. I feel like talking to somebody. Can I at least talk to somebody, anybody. I just want to be fine again. All this is so difficult for me. I feel like I can't pull through this. I hope I get through this someday. I need all the prayer I can get now and I need some advice on how to get back to my feet. I've been running temperature, I'm very ill at the moment. I'm exhausted.


This is not a fiction story, of course I don't publish any fiction mail anyways. I have been with this lady for months now. We selected her choice of dress for the meeting, discussed on her approach and the way she should approach everything and to be sincere her mail got me broken and thinking too. 
Why an individual will look down on another, why a mother will wash down another lady for whatsoever reasons, why a man will claim to be in love and expose his own partner to the ridicule of his parents and relatives. 
Personally I know that God saved her from what would have been a disaster if she got married to him but the pains of such a break up may not be easy for her to bear. 
I am also the one who encouraged her to pour her heart out because it is therapeutic and I believe that she will be stronger with time. 
Let us offer words of encouragement and support to her, let's learn from her journey and also be mindful of the kind of individuals we date to avoid pitfalls like these. 
Any man who cannot choose who to marry irrespective of his wealth, handsomeness, degrees, place of work, possessions and whatever it is that got you attracted to him, is never fit for marriage and please avoid such individuals as a lady because you may end up losing yourself in your bid to remain relevant in your marriage. 
He may be financially prepared, he maybe physically mature and old enough for marriage but if he's not mentally prepared for marriage, he's not fit for any lady or marriage. Marriage is not for babies, babies depend on the breast milk of their mothers, but marriage is for men and women who have been weaned from their families, relatives and friends, and they're prepared to take a decision and stand by their decision no matter the opinions or the perceptions or the feelings of any other person.

13 comments:

  1. My dear be strong. It may be difficult for you now but it will end in praise. Trust God and don't allow this to define your life. Pls focus on developing yourself, invest your skills to reach your goal. God is not done with you yet he alone will restore you joy. It well

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  2. So so sad, it is well with you dear, the LORD will help you go through this unhurt, honestly I know how you feel because I had a similar experience and ironically we attend the same church, I almost left the church because of it but with the help of HOM, one of our pastors and other wonderful people, i was able to pull through, even friends in church were making jest of me bcos they think I don't deserve a man like him, i almost killed myself, its over a year and some months now, I found comfort in the HOLY SPIRIT, I also got a nice paying jest, I forgave him, his family and my so called friends and am here happy and still standing, am not there yet but slowly and surely i will get there, please encourage yourself in the LORD, do something productive, be with people that love and appreciate you, catch fun, laugh, be happy, go to movies, seminars and always read your bible and pray, forgive him and his family, just forget about him my dear, when your man comes, you will love him and will be very happy, he will love you so much with no strings attached....It is well with you, stay strong please, its not the end of life, You will be happy it didn't work out in the future I bet you.

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  3. I encountered the sender problem in my marital journey. His mother rejected me because I am Igbo and they are yoruba. Today I believe that she is regretting it.
    Please focus on your life and focus on your God. Improve yourself and draw closer to God. Honestly with what you have said that man is not yours because a real man fights for what he wants. He seems to be Lilly livered. You need someone with spine. I only wish you had seen the signs and disengaged earlier.

    My sister it is well with you. In due season God will bring your own and you will be filled with joy.

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  4. I encountered the sender problem in my marital journey. His mother rejected me because I am Igbo and they are yoruba. Today I believe that she is regretting it.
    Please focus on your life and focus on your God. Improve yourself and draw closer to God. Honestly with what you have said that man is not yours because a real man fights for what he wants. He seems to be Lilly livered. You need someone with spine. I only wish you had seen the signs and disengaged earlier.

    My sister it is well with you. In due season God will bring your own and you will be filled with joy.

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  5. Let me start by congratulating you dear daughter of Zion. I want to let you know that beyond the space their is what we call grace. In the history of mankind grace is the only thing that distinguishes two individuals. Yes his mother looked down on you, but may I ask you one question. Do you think you are all that she said? Napoleon Hill said " Poverty and riches are the offspring of thought" I don't wanna sound religious here but the fact is this, nothing happens in our lives without a reason and a lesson. When someone look down on you relax and rejoice in the Lord who made you and said " You are fearfully and wonderfully made" What I am trying to let you know is that their perception of you has nothing and no reason to bring you down. Yes you have been molested verbally, but look up above you will see that invisible hand saying come dear daughter. Behind every smile in life is the price paid. If you trace down the lane your guy's lineage was at a point in time poor if not poorer than yours presently. Grace or hardwork may have brought them where they are now. Sister please let go of him and his mom. forgive them and move on. A bend on your way is not the end of the road. Develop yourself more. Obama's wife is the number female citizen globally today but at a certain point of time in her life she was abused because of the colour of her skin. It may be painful but I think it is a lesson that will bring out the hidden treasures in you. I trust that God will heal you and give you a man that your guy and his mom will regret someday why they ill-treated you. God bless you my dear sister.

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  6. My dear, it alright for you to feel bad, but don't ever feel suicidal. Pick the pieces of your broken heart and move on, time and God is the healer of wounds. Please don't stay alone at this point of your life, stay in the company of family and friends, go out, talk about it and make deliberate effort to move on. God will help you.

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  7. I almost cried reading your story and I feel so sad. But my dear relax because God is with you. Try and do something new with your life. You can have fun with friends who appreciate you and learn software coding - you will be so busy that you start creating something new.

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  8. I almost cried reading your story and I feel so sad. But my dear relax because God is with you. Try and do something new with your life. You can have fun with friends who appreciate you and learn software coding - you will be so busy that you start creating something new.

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  9. Very disheartening... But be rest assured that everything happens for a reason. It may not be clear to you now but soon you will thank God for today. All you have to do is "breathe" and stay strong.

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  10. It is well with ur soul.God will never leave u nor forsake u. A better than best man will come ur way it will surely end in praise

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  11. It is well with ur soul.God will never leave u nor forsake u. A better than best man will come ur way it will surely end in praise

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  12. You can't die for people who wish you death..No way!!

    You have to live. They have to live too . To see your tomorrow,your better tomorrow. You are more than what they say.. No one is God.

    You have to live for sure. You have to be better.
    The rich die too so exactly what us there to brag about?

    Don't give up. I tell you..never give up no matter what!!

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  13. You can't die for people who wish you death..No way!!

    You have to live. They have to live too . To see your tomorrow,your better tomorrow. You are more than what they say.. No one is God.

    You have to live for sure. You have to be better.
    The rich die too so exactly what us there to brag about?

    Don't give up. I tell you..never give up no matter what!!

    ReplyDelete

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