Thursday, July 14, 2016

My Mother-in-law Refused to Return to her House.

Good evening ma, please I need an advise from you. My marriage is barely one year. I gave birth to a baby that is five months old. My mum is alive and she did omugwo (assisting a nursing mother) for me just for two weeks because my mother-in-law came to my house from the first day I gave birth.
Now the challenge now is that she refused to go back to her house. My hubby is now telling me that her mum will now live with us. Am not comfortable with this idea. what will I do?
Sometimes I do business, before I am back, she has already cooked for the whole house.
My husband told me if I am not comfortable with his mum staying with us, that I should pack my bag and go.
Note..I am legally married to this man. Please advise me.


Though it can be very difficult working with an autocratic partner but I won't encourage you to challenge his authority or fight against his own mother.
Though you didn't tell me more about his parents and family background, my little investigation suggests that your husband built a new house, perhaps his father is no more and there is no other person living with her in the village, hence his decision to bring her to where both of you are living(I'm only trying to paint a possible scenario).
I know that you want your privacy and your freedom with your husband and beautiful baby, but I also want to encourage you not to see his mother as a threat to your happiness or feel that you cannot cope with her.
In life, the greatest gift we can give to others is great moments of love, gratitude and selfless sacrifices to one another. See this as another opportunity to grow in love with his mother.
Accept her as you would accept your mother, treat her as your own best friend, appreciate her efforts and assistance. Sometimes you cannot follow strict rules of being in charge of your kitchen and where that is not possible, be flexible and adjust to accommodate her and still prepare great dishes when you can.
Just as you would treat your mother, reach out to her and accept her as your own mother. Be a light and shine positively in all circumstances. Don't fight against your husband because you will lose your home but let him know that it's better when he carries you along in his decisions than to make you feel like a slave and impose anything on you.
Let him know that you are not against his mother but against the manner in which he invited her without prior information or planning as couple ought to do.
Leave everything to God and use this opportunity to win the heart of your mother-in-law and the love of your husband.

5 comments:

  1. And that line got me. .before I come back, she has already cooked for the whole house..Nne why complain Ur so lucky,u do business and a hav a new born, u dont wanna appreciate the fact that u have a helping hand *free of charge* well for me I hav learnt to accept some situations I cant change, my MIL full ground, she stays here and leaves wen shez satisfied from time to time, it is not easy most times but I have learn to adjust, presently she does all the cooking before I come back without grumbling, am already used to her delicacy. When ever she leaves our house, I adjust again. (Uwa ana agakwa). Dear poster pls I dont want u to see ur MIL as a bone in the throat as in u cant afford to swallpw and u cant afford to throw out. Learn to live with her, avoid anytin that will make u speak when ur angry cause u may not retrieve those words when ur calm . Mind u, the love ur husband has for u will *NEVER* increase when u keep falling out or being at loggerhead with his mum rather it will dimnish.Give her space. PERIOD
    Dont you start what u won't be able to finish Biko. Marriage is not easy, try and look ova lots of tins so u can last long. LASTLY Pray without season

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  2. You have barely spent 2years with him and you expect him to send home a woman that has spent her good and bad days with him. I see it as injustice. Yes in marriage man is supposed to leave all and cleave to his wife that is only written on pages of book. My mom and my queen are best of friends and I love her more and more as the day goes by. Let me tell you one thing you dont know. 90% of men loves their mom to a fault and challenging her makes you an enemy to the man. from your post the woman in question is not even troublesome and you are saying " Am not comfortable with her" Your hubby is even a nice man. If any woman says that to my mom, walayi that will land hand where she gonna regret. Mothers are too precious but wives are more because of the intimacy. My advice is this, love her, care for her, show her affection and your hubby will become your toy else be ready to leave with a tyrant.

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    1. Chai see words, GOD bless you Sir, you just spoke my mind, in fact make God bless your wife and mother what a happy family. Wife should Stop the hate on their MILs for Christ sake they raise and suffered for those great men they are married to, make friend with them and treat them like your own mother.

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  3. WOMAM, YOU BETTER LOVE HER AS YOUR OWN, IF ITS YOUR MUM THAT IS ADVICING YOUR TO INSIST ON HER LEAING JUST KNOW THAT YOU WILL ONE DAY GO BACK AND LEAVE WITH HER PERMANANTLY. MY MUM THAT SOLD AKARA AND AKAMU TO ORGUMENT THE SMALL PAY DAD GIVES HER TO MAKE SURE WE EAT GOOD FOOD, MY MUM THAT IS READY TO STAND IN FRONT OF A BULLET FOR ME WHEN I WAS SMALL NA AM GROWN UP,SHE EVEN WANTED TO CHANGE MY LOCAL PRIMARY SCHOOL TO A PERVATE ONE BUT COULD NOT AFFORD THE MONEY SINCE DAD OPPOSED THE IDEA, IF CERCUMSTANSES MAKES HER TO COME STAY WITH ME AS A PAY BACK, WHY WILL I SAY NO. STOP THIS NONSENCE, YOUR LEGAALY MARRIED TO HIM, WHERE YOU SUPPOSE TO BE ILLEGALLY MARRIED TO HIM. YOUR WOMEN SHOULD STOP THIS MIL NONSENCE, MEN ARE WISE NA....

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  4. Dear "patient". I call you patient because you need attention. Please don't regard this as an insult, but sincerely, you are innocently wrong to think your MIL is a threat to you. Your complain may be justifies if only you can tell this house things your MIL do to you that you regard as threat to the peace of your marriage

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