Friday, July 1, 2016

Don't Want to Set my Eyes on Him.

Good afternoon ma'am , I really want to pour it out my story. I met this guy who I eventually got married to in September 2014. I met him with his two daughters, when I asked about their mum he said they never got married, the relationship between them didn't work out because she was cheating.
Our marriage was a happy one, things began to work out for him after the marriage, we moved to his house from our rented apartment. Just after then, this former girlfriend of his surfaced from nowhere, not the mother of his kids, the girl that has refused to marry him because he didn't have up to a certain amount of money in his account. Her calls kept coming into his phone and I was like what does she want?
He assured me that he can never have anything to do with her so I should not let it bother me, that he was actually helping a friend of hers for a case. He was changing gradually, he would go to work and won't be back until the next evening or night, whenever we have little misunderstanding he moves to the hotel and spends at least one month which his parents talked to him about.
I tried to manage this because I was pregnant, my elder sister would always advice me to be patient, I was lonely, he was never there for me, he leaves home and doesn't even pick-up his calls until he comes back home which might even be the next day.
One day he said he was going out with a friend, I brought out something really for him to wear, he left and never called or even picked up my calls. He returned home the next day, he gave me his normal stories and I let it go. I was really in love with him, I always wanted him to be happy. I was in the kitchen when his younger daughter came to me showing me his picture with his ex wearing the same clothes I brought out for him on the night he said he was hanging out with friends, I didn't mention it cos I didn't want issues with him, I only picked the girl's number and saved it on my phone.
Months later, my own baby boy was five months old when I noticed the ex girlfriend's display picture, she was pregnant, then I was worried and I opened up to him telling him I saw the picture they took together and he laughed about it telling me that she was already engaged to his friend, that they had nothing together, that I should be at rest because he has married me.
One week to our one year wedding anniversary, we had issues, little misunderstanding and he told me to leave his house, I told him I won't leave because he had married me from my parents house. He took our son and took clothes as usual and I said no that the baby was too young to live the hotel life, I even pleaded with him.
The next thing he did was to strangle me, I managed to escape from him and then he cocked his pistol at me, luckily an elderly woman knelt down between us and was begging him not to do that, and then he entered his car and drove off with my baby, his daughters and the maid.
I called his friend and he asked me to come over that he would settle it. After all said I went to my parents, I was really scared because of the way he abused me. My parents were really upset saying if he had shot the gun what would they say, and they asked me to stay back that he will come for me and our son.
His sister was pleading, but I told his brother, along the line I got chatting with my husband and he started insulting me as usual, the next message I saw was from his ex girlfriend, the pregnant one. Apparently she had my number, telling me that my husband told her that I had accused him of dating her, that I shouldn't worry my husband will divorce me the way he married me, I should watch and see. Then I started seeing pictures of her in our house and also pictures of her and my husband.
My husband's first daughter once told me the the girl comes to the hotel to spend the weekend, I didn't mention it because it will get her into trouble. I finally moved on with my life, now the ex girlfriend finally put to bed a baby girl, now the man wants us to have a meeting and I am like there is nothing to talk about, he broke the vow, our baby was just five months when he got his ex pregnant, not even a dime to take care of the son and now he wants to have a meeting.
I know he will come back because my son is his only boy, now the girl moved in with her daughter but they are not married, I really don't want to set my eyes on him and I have left him to God.
What do you think? Because now I have no regret, I think I have taken the right decision by not going for the meeting .

It's quite a horrible and painful experience for you to accommodate and manage the mess in your marriage with patience, understanding and wisdom. Nobody else can tell how you felt and what you went through in your marriage but I thank God who preserved you even when it was as though you had nobody else to defend you.
I know that you no longer wish to see him, I have no idea if you still wish to give your husband another opportunity to make your marriage work considering the threat to your life, the arrival of a new baby and a strange woman in your home.
But whatever you decide to do, let him prepare with his family and schedule a meeting with your own family and kindred to talk about all that has happened in your marriage and what next to do with the marriage.
Your most important priority will be to take good care of your son and perhaps get him to support you for the upkeep of your son.
If he wishes to continue with the marriage and you are comfortable with the idea, then he must provide the pistol and hand it over to the security operatives or take it out of your home. He must send his girlfriend out of your home and both of you can plan to send child support for the upkeep of his daughter and he must sign an undertaken to protect you and your son and never to raise his hands on you.
But if you are no longer interested in continuing with the marriage, kindly inform your family during the meeting so that they can officially return the dowry to him and dissolve the marriage. Your life is priceless and when marriage can't protect your life and give you peace of mind, it is no longer worthy of all the sacrifices and energy you invest in it.
Since he decided to tow the path of infidelity and physical violence with so many threats, it's wise for you not to be in a hurry to return to avoid any unforseen circumstances that may harm your life and your baby.
My prayers and thought are with you and I believe that you will come out of this experience stronger and happier with your life and decision.

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