Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Am Afraid of His Hot Tempered Nature.

Good day ma. I am depressed now. I don't even know how to put my story, wish I could say it all to your face. Yesterday at my fiancé's house, the guy I happen to love so much told me the most shocking secret of my life. 
He said he has impregnated a girl. He cheated on me with this girl as at October/ November last year. I noticed the girl's frequent call log on his phone but he do tell me they are friends. 

Now, he told me he dated her then, he had sex with her as at November after which he gave her contraceptives which he later realised she didn't take it as at February this year when she came and told him she was pregnant. 
He said he told her to abort it but she didn't accept which after she went home and told her parents what he said and her parents arrested him, and he slept in the police custody for a day which I never knew about. This girl happens to live with her parents on the same street with him. When this incident of arrests came up, his neighbors knew about it cos he first denied it. 
Yesterday, he told me she has not put to bed but very soon she will which I don't know if it's true. He told me he has already told her parents that he is not interested in marrying her that he has his fiancé, but they were like confusing him that he can marry two wives which he didn't accept. 
I was at his place yesterday, he was not around, and the girl's mum met me in the house, she didn't harass me but started bringing baby's stuff, though I haven't heard anything as at then, it was when he returned that he told me the whole story.
He begged me not to leave him that he is not marrying her, that he is just going to collect his child. He said he didn't want to tell me cos he was scared of losing me. 
I called his mum immediately to confirm and she said she has always wanted to tell me but it was her son that said she should not tell me. His mum, aunt, uncle and all that knew about us started calling me since yesterday that I should come on Saturday for a talk. I know they want to convince me. Aunty Amara please advise me on what to do. I love this guy but my only fear about marrying him is that he is hot tempered. He said the girl told him she kept the pregnancy because she loves him. I don't know the girl, he said she is 22 while he is 30. 
His mum called me this afternoon that she is not accepting the girl. I don't know what to do. Please advise me like your daughter. Thank you ma. 

No matter whatever his whole nuclear and extended family says or do to persuade or win your heart, always remember that you are the only one who will decide whether he's really the kind of man that you desire to spend the rest of your life with. 
While he was engaged to you, he was having sex with other ladies and sharing contraceptives. Unfortunately his baby mama decided not to take his pills and today we're listening to his tales. 
He was arrested, met with the family, he knew that she was pregnant but decided to hide it from you, and you said that you are engaged to him? And according to you, he's hot tempered and you still love him so much? 
Since you love him so much and you desire to be the chosen bride, please prepare your heart to accommodate his weaknesses and shortcomings as your husband. Remember that he's now a baby father and if you wish to settle down with him, then you must be willing and ready to accept his child as your own child, treat his child like you will treat yours and give your best to bring out the best in his child. 
Just like you already know, he will definitely be in touch with his baby mama for the sake of his child's upkeep at least until the child is old enough to join both of you. If you truly love him, you should have the capacity and the patience to tolerate and endure the hiccups that his relationship with his baby mama might bring to you and your marriage. 
As regarding his hot tempered nature, for every man who is easily provoked, they have so many trigger points and so little patience which is what makes them react in an irrational manner and make them vulnerable to anger and sometimes violence. 
You must learn how to communicate with him, noting the moment and manner of expressing yourself or opinions to him. You need to minimise every form of arguments or exchange of words with him to avoid anything that might push him to anger. You should also be willing to work in obedience and humility knowing that anything apart from his own opinion might result in a catastrophe. Also you may encourage him by getting books and materials that you feel that he will need to study to help him understand his emotions and personality and help him develop self control over his emotions and his reactions to others.
When you understand his personality and how to manage his weaknesses, in addition to praying for him, getting some materials that maybe helpful and strengthening the bonds of communication with him, I believe that God will give him the grace to overcome his hot tempered nature.
But don't forget that marriage is a lifetime project, one that comes with so many uncertainties, you need to examine all that has happened during the courtship and ask yourself some important and necessary questions that will help you make the right decision that's favourable to you.

1 comment:

  1. Babe aren't u too young to face all this drama that trying to play in your life now, how can a man that claim to love u do all this and u still claim to love him,what your definition of love self?
    Babe Abeg u don't start what u won't finish marriage to this man will not be on a good foundation someone that cheat now will cheat later,if he can hide sometin this huge he will hide more.assuming u are the one that fuck up will he still accept u as his wife. After given baby daddy the baby.
    Forget those hypocite family of his, ask the mother if he will accept such thin for his daughter. Infact u don't have anythin to do with them again,just tell all of them u need time to absorb this and make a decision,
    Abeg move on that a sign from God that Man isn't yours.


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