Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Is it Sinful to Have Specifications for your Partner?

Sis Amara thanks for being a counselor indeed, please help........
Look at a challenge before me, a fellow priest walked up to me thus: I had wanted to be a barrister before I was called, now am to be ordained next year, all my life I have taste for a woman,
1. I want to marry a Barrister or a Medical doctor
2. I want a fair lady and tall
3. I wish she will as well be from a priestly family.

Now I have not seen any girl with those qualities and I don't want to marry any with less option 1&2.

Please my question is
1. Is it sinful to set up such standard for marriage?
2. With prayers can he find such person?
3. He is with fear that if he marries less such qualities, he may be unfaithul to the wife especially if he see any with such qualities as a member, which as a priest is an aberration.
Please help and give your motherly counsel to him.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a longing to marry a particular kind of individual or having  particular specifications for the kind of a lady that he wishes to settle down with. 
This is his marriage, his personal journey and his own home, so he's both responsible and accountable for his choice in his marriage. 
Where I will come in is in understanding what's his motivation and purpose for such specifications. 
If he wished to become a lawyer, he doesn't need to get married to a lawyer, because marriage wasn't designed for those who wish to acquire a partner with degrees, rather education was designed for individuals who wish to acquire any form of degrees. 
So instead of looking for a lady who studied law or medicine, he can purchase admission form and study efficiently so that he can gain admission to study law or medicine, and within the space of six to eight years he will be a medical doctor or a lawyer by profession. 
So if his motivation was for academic achievements, it's a wrong motivation because he may end up getting married to a lawyer with no understanding of what his purpose in life is and how she can support his ministry. 
What's his motivation behind getting married from a priestly family? Is it so that she will understand the nature of his job and understand how to support him in his ministry? Perhaps that's his reasons, but he may end up getting married into a priestly family and end up with a lady who have no idea what he truly needs to succeed in his ministry because the background of an individual doesn't necessarily reflect in the attitude or personality of an individual. 
If he's attracted to fair, tall, and well endowed lady, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that because God has already made provision for such lady and depending on how much he desires such package, he will definitely get the kind of lady that he craves for. 
Painfully and unfortunately he's working so hard to fix his wife by his own calculations leaving God and considering the most important things he's meant to consider when searching for a partner to settle down with. 
He forgot that as a minister of the gospel he cannot just get married to any lady simply because she has the certificate, came from a priestly family, and is tall and fair, that he needs a lady who have a personal relationship with God, understands her purpose in life, have the virtues and skills that he needs to prosper in his ministry. 
He forgot that he needs a lady who understands his ministry and can sacrifice her own pleasures for his sake. He forgot that the spiritual maturity and emotional stability of a lady is more important than her academic qualifications and physical features. 
There is no kind of lady that God cannot give to a man, and he can prayerfully and patiently receive such a lady as he daily search for her perhaps in the law school or college of medicine. 
But he must remember that once he's married to a lady of his own description and choice, he has no reason whatsoever to be unfaithful to his wife, no matter what maybe his reasons for such an action.
I will rather suggest that he shouldn't invest so much looking for a lady with temporary qualities but that he should seek for a lady who have the eternal values and virtues that will help him succeed in his ministry and prosper in all his endeavours.

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