Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Can Any Married Man Stay for Two Years Without Having Sex?

Good morning ma. I have read most of the advice you gave here, may God continue to guide you ma. My story is a bit long, ma I want you to advice me like your younger sister.
I have two kids out of wedlock. My husband have made a move to come and pay my bride prize on many occasions but his mother will always stop him with one excuse or the other. The first time she said she was going to be there before my husband do anything because she stays abroad. Any time she comes around she always advice me that marriage is not everything that the main issue is love.
Note: we are in good terms and I respect her love her.

But before I know it, they plan for my husband to come over to USA were they are, leaving me and my kids behind. He has been there over seven years now, fine he do come once in two years and he aready have his papers even his citizen. His mother just left Nigeria of recent.
After like a month my husband called, that he was coming to Nigeria to pay my bride price by August, he broke the news to his mother and the mother brought another excuse that she must be present before anything can be done, that my husband should buy his ticket and her own.
My so called husband does not border about how I cope with my sex life. Any time I try telling him how I feel about starving me of sex, he gets angry and tell me is either am sick or I am possessed.
Please ma my question now is can any man stay for two years without having sex? He claimed he have no girlfriend over there. Ma, I am faithful to him, as I talk to you now, my heart is heavy. I am also depressed. Ma please I need your Godly advice. Now he doesn't even know when he is coming, thanks.
My kids are 6 years and 4 years. I am a graduate, he does not want me to work so that I will not get to know people. Though he is nice in terms of up keep.

I understand how you feel and the secret struggles you go through everyday to manage your sexual needs and take good care of your children. I commend you for being there for your children and for keeping yourself for your partner, but I think that you deserve the truth though it may not be comfortable for you.
You are actually not married to him and he is not your husband by default, rather he's your sex partner and you are his baby mama.
What makes you his wife is not an engagement ring, it's not pregnancy, it's not by living in his house or being accepted by his family, it's not even court wedding (though the constitution accepts that), it's not the church wedding, it's only and solely the payment of your bride prize.
No matter the civilisation or the industrialisation of our times, no matter the government policies and the perception of some individuals concerning bride prize, it still remains the most sacred and important aspect of every marriage.
Your dowry is what gives you the legitimate right to demand for his attention, accountability, communication and commitment to your relationship. It is also what gives you the right in the land of your husband and the authority to protect and possess that which belongs to you and your children.
Your dowry is what protects you from being treated like a prostitute and used for sexual gratification. And if he hasn't paid your bride prize, you are traditionally and spiritually not married to him, instead you are only cohabiting with him.
It is painful but I feel that you deserve the truth which is why I took my time to explain this to you. You don't need to be faithful to him because you're not really married to him.
The best decision is to return back to your family, make out time and discuss with him and find out what is his plan for you and your children. Sending money every now and then for the upkeep of your children is what he can do even if you are not married to him or living in his house.
So don't let what you gain from him limit you from understanding your true position in his life, perhaps that's why his mother doesn't treat you like her family. Perhaps there's every possibility that he's married over there to a foreign lady who have children for him too which is why he comes back home once every two years.
I won't tell you what to do but I think that it's necessary to help you understand your true position so that you can decide whether you deserve this or something better.
The answer to your question is that I can't entirely say that he's sexually active over there but he's an adult and can decide whether to remain faithful to you or faithful to other ladies that he can afford.


  1. Thank you Aunty Amara for this wonderful advice . You have said it all.

  2. Prayers can mute and concur that mother inlaw of. Urs,
    Uve. gotten the best advice so far


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