Sunday, August 7, 2016

Do I Give Him a Break?

Good morning ma, I have learnt a great deal from advises you have given both to married and single. God bless you.
I am a lady of 28 years in relationship with a guy of 35 years we dated for two years and have started the marriage rites in January 2016 : introduction and meeting with umunna for list collection, though that part has not been concluded.

Now the problem is that each time I ask this guy for money which I rarely do cos I have a little job where I am being paid N50,000, he recoils and stops talking to me on the phone cos we stay in different states. When we start talking again which he initiates often times I tell him that I don't like that attitude and that even if he can't do it at the point he should be plain and tell me cos I am a very understanding and homely lady. It will pass and he won't even think of providing that, even though he promises but I will forget about it to let peace reign.
The last he did which really got to me was when I asked him for money for the test we were supposed to have run a long time ago,(we already knew our genotype and blood group, just other premarital test), he promised to provide it but typically he didn't, he stopped calling me over the phone and started sending me WhatsApp messages. I was replying at first but I stopped after he continued with the messages.
So I am like is this the attitude am going to put up with when we finally live together? I have decided to let go of him though I feel terrible about it, and also the fact that my extended family have been involved already.
I have deleted him from my WhatsApp and my Facebook which he immediately noticed and started calling me after a week of not talking to each other.
Aunty I am so confused, I never wanted money to be the issue but his attitude hurts me so much, I have confided in my mum and she asked me to pray over it.
Note: while we were dating, he never got me any gift for once and I didn't get him either cos his attitude was not encouraging, giving me money was always after some squabbles and I still let it pass hoping he would improve. Do I give him a break please advice me.

A tiger will never change its spots, nor will a lion eat dead animals because of the scarcity of living animals. 
You are better warned than for you to wail for the rest of your life in your marriage. 
Your mail is the characteristics of a man who is very poor in communication and a man who loves his pocket and personal possessions much more than anything else on earth. 
If all through your dating days he couldn't give you anything, if both of you always quarrel over money before he gives you anything, if he ignores you whenever you talk about your finances with him, it's not just a coincidence, it's actually his character and personality. 
Giving him some time might not help him to change because it's just his nature, and hoping to change him is simply at your own detriment. 
Imagine that you were already married and then you asked for some funds for your children's health or your own health and he snubs you, how will you cope with such, and for how long will you endure such? 
Don't let your emotions push you into accepting what you cannot cope with for the rest of your life. If you can't cope now that both of you are courting, please forget about what anyone might say, a broken courtship is way too beautiful than a broken marriage.
If you know that you can't tolerate it, if you know that you can't endure it, and if you know that you don't have the mental capacity to manage such, please don't ignore it because you may end up regretting your decision.

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