Monday, August 15, 2016

How Do I Help Him Improve on His Communication Skills?

Good evening ma, still an ardent follower of your counsels. The last counsel you gave to me was like God speaking through your mouth and I heeded and it saved not just my life but generations unborn.
There is this guy I've known for about four years now. He was asking for my hands in marriage from time to time, but each time I turned him down, he would give me some space
and still come asking. He is hard working does his own business, calm and gentle and of a good character.

But sorry to say this, and I mean no insult to his person but a sincere counsel is what I seek here. I feel he is not as intelligent as I would want my man to be, his tenses are sometimes aweful and I also noticed that his spellings are terrible too, meanwhile he is rounding off his part time school project.
I'd always dreamt of a man who isn't just hard working but who understands what's happening around the globe, moreso someone I can learn from knowledge-wise cos I wasn't so privileged to attend posh schools but I'm bits I was able to get certain things instilled into me.
He has all it takes financially and even the good looks, and some girls have practically thrown themselves on him, but he's a man with specifications for what he wants, I don't know why he has so much interest in me. I like him too though but the reasons I stated had been the deterring factor.
Can he learn? He is 36 while I'm 31, and if he can, how do I go about it so I don't step on his ego? Or should I let go, is the statement 'you can't change an adult' applicable here? Please ma I hope you understand my plight. I need your sincere counsel as always. Thanks

If everyone had all the privileges that you had, perhaps they wouldn't be the way they are today but would have been better academically and intellectually. Some individuals had the passion and desire to go to school, learn new words, speak like professors and do things differently, but they were limited by circumstances which were beyond their own control.
Some couldn't afford the expenses, some lost their sponsors, some sacrificed all they had to support their own siblings, and some had nobody to guide them in making the best decision concerning their future.
So before you underrate an individual, be kind enough to hear his own story and be humble to share in his own journey.
I perfectly understand your desire to marry a man who has the kind of intelligence, exposure and wisdom that you admire, but sometimes life may not give you exactly what you want rather God may decide to give you what you need and give you the wisdom to bring out the best in your partner.
One of the greatest attributes to look out for in a partner and in a man in particular is not intelligence and great grammatical skills but a teachable heart. This is rare gift and one of the attributes that will help you influence him to become a better man.
If this young man, in spite of his limitations and circumstances took it upon himself to go to school and acquire some training, I don't think that he will resist your intentions to help him communicate better and advance in his studies.
His tenses today may be awful but he has made a giant stride from communicating with his mother tongue to communicating with poor tenses and grammar. Maybe if you are compassionate and patient enough to teach him, he will definitely become a professor in no distant future.
Three things that will transform the communication, expression and exposure of an individual are, the books he reads, the places he goes to, and the individuals he interacts with on a daily basis. If you devote your heart to help him improve on his communication skills, get some simple English novels for his reading pleasure and also take him to places where he can interact with other individuals who are fluent with English, I believe that he will get better with time.
Though he may not be the perfect image of the kind of husband that you wished for, both of you can achieve your goals and help him grow in his intellectual capacity.
If you genuinely love him, then you can start by taking your time to understand his personality and journey, then ask him if he will appreciate your intentions to help him communicate effectively in English.
When you get close, you will tell how teachable, humble, willing and stable he is which will help you plan ways to help him improve in his personality. You can't influence an individual by making him feel inferior, rather you can only influence an individual with compassion, patience, understanding and love.
Don't just write him off because of your perception of him, because not all who can speak fluently or write excellently well make great husband.
Being educated is not a yardstick to measure excellence in marriage and in life, rather look beyond his temporary challenges and consider his personality, his character, his personal relationship with God and others, and his vision for his life and marriage before deciding whether to get married to him or bid him goodbye and trust God for your own husband.


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  2. Wow. This is my story too. God bless you ma. You have just inspired me.


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