Monday, August 22, 2016

How Do Igbo Men Who Marry Esan Ladies Fulfill Their Custom?

Good morning ma, on behalf of everyone I want to say thank you very much for all what you are doing for people, may God continue to bless you.
Ma, recently my boyfriend who is from Anambra, a first child and first grandchild, told his family that he would like to marry
me, though it's not like we are planning on settling down now cos he doesn't have a job yet but since they asked his intentions towards me, he had to tell them.
They then told him that it might not be possible, that is, his extended family might not agree, reason because they have a tradition that once a girl marries, she belongs to her husband's family and when she dies, she should be buried in her husband's family but I am from Esan and in our tradition we are taken back home, although if you want to bury the person somewhere else, you can present drinks and all that. Right now we are confused, especially me because I don't know if I should move on or pray things change when he gets a job, what if he gets a job and things don't change, I wouldn't want to be frustrated by any in-law, and I have been wondering how Igbos who marry Esan go about it, or does the tradition vary from state to state or do the families not know about the Esan custom?
We'd like to know people's opinions, especially those who have been in situations like this, thank you ma.

Personally I am not comfortable with this mail for all the good reasons. We shouldn't be deliberating on where someone will be buried when we should be talking about living and making impact in our generation, but I will respond to your question.
The first and most important person in your life and the only person who has the final opinion on your relationship is your partner and not his extended family or nuclear family.
If he's convinced that you are his wife and he's willing to fulfill the laws and tradition of your custom, I have no idea why you should be worried or why he should be afraid to marry you.
According to you and your customs, there's a provision for his family to present drinks and all that, and the body can be buried in the husband's house. So I still don't know why this should be a problem to you or anyone else.
Being a first son from Anambra state doesn't mean that the family or extended family will choose who to marry, he's in the best position to decide who to marry and who he's comfortable with.
Whether a dead body is buried in the home town or in the husband's house, what matters most is that the dead body is buried in the grave, but where a custom feels that the body must be returned to the home town, I don't think that it will be difficult or impossible for the family to comply with the custom.
But I still suggest that you shouldn't allow this to preoccupy your mind when both of you have so much to do to now. Both of you shouldn't be worried about how the dead body will be buried, but it's good for him to know the custom of your land for future reference.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)