I am a lady of 31 years old, dating a man of 32 years plus(my class mate precisely). Our relationship started three years ago during my NYSC. He proposed after six months of our relationship and I accepted.
Early last year, I had accommodation problem which I was left with only two options, either to go to the village where my parents live or move in with this guy. We talked about it and he said I should move in with him instead of going to the village so that we can plan together.
I told him to see my parents first, but he told me he wasn't financially balanced as at then which is true, that he wouldn't want to see my people and stay long before coming to pay my bride prize. After much talk with him, we concluded in seeing my elder sister, which we did. I finally moved in with him April last year.
He thought of opening a cosmetics shop for me. After paying for a shop and building the counter, their company stopped paying them and we were left with no other option than to go for loan to enable us stock the shop with goods. I told my sister who is a civil servant to raise some loan for us that we will pay back as soon as he receives his salary. My sister did that for us. We have started paying the loan little by little.
But my problem is this, I was opportuned to come across his Facebook password. I opened his Facebook account and noticed that he asks every lady on his Facebook out. Some of them comply by doing sex chat with him. I confronted him yesterday and he became angry with me. He said I don't have any right to search his Facebook account. He also said he does those things just for fun, not that he is going out with any of those girls.
My question is this, was I wrong to search his Facebook? Should I continue with this relationship? We are planning our wedding by November. Or should I quite after paying my sister's loan? I must confess that he is a good man. He is good in other areas. Apart from the Facebook issue, I don't have any other problem with him. Am afraid of marrying a cheat. Lastly he told me to be praying for him concerning that. Please ma, what should I do?
Both of you have come a long way and you are the best person to tell who you're dealing with exactly. I can only give counsel based on all you said about him and from your mail, he's a humble man who truly have great plan for you and the relationship.
He is realistic and honest in his endeavours, he respects you and also believes in your personality to have suggested that you live with him which wasn't the ideal thing to do, but he did that out of love.
Granted that he has a good heart, there is every need for both of you to address this Facebook fun thing with him because infidelity actually begins with some careless and fun conversations that escalated to reality and gave the penis the opportunity to experiment with the vagina of a strange lady.
Let him understand that you love him, respect him but that you're extremely afraid to get married to a man who has the cheating tendencies in future. Help him understand that there is no way you can understand a sex chat if not by imagining that he's actually having sex with these individuals whether known or unknown to him.
Ask him what the reaction will be if he saw such a conversation on your phone and then let him understand that that was why you confronted him to find out more about the conversations.
Apologise for checking up on his Facebook account or phone but remind him also that as couples that it's always better to be open and honest with each other to minimise suspicions and also strengthen the bond of love and trust in your relationship.
Yes you don't have the right by default to check up on the phone or messages or the social media account of your partner without his permission. But where there is love and affection, things like this won't be an issue especially when there's nothing to hide.
I believe that if he will make amends and work towards curtailing such unnecessary conversations, both of you will enjoy your journey of marriage together.
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