Monday, September 12, 2016

How Do I Overcome This Sudden Disappointment?

Good evening aunty Amara. I am writing you from my very close friend's Facebook because I have blocked all my contacts I want to be left alone. Please ma I need your advice I'm going through emotional pain.
I met this guy twelve years ago, we started our relationship, it was a very beautiful one but not knowing he was living in Europe until after some months because he told me he was working in Lagos,
that he came to our state for some stuff, we are from the state. So on that faithful day, he called me that he is in his father's house which he normally stay whenever he is around. So I told him I don't know if I can make it that day but I will try, so I later I went getting there, met him and his friends watching the video CD of his child dedicated in Europe.
I was so surprised but I was able to control myself because of his friends, later when his friends left I now asked him about it, so he now opened up to me that he lives in Europe, that he is not that kind of guy that show up, and really he doesn't look it at all, that he lives outside Nigeria.
Anyway the relationship continued because I was already so in love with this guy. Along the line I took in for him, when I told about it, he said he was not interested that I should abort it, which I did because I don't want him to feel I wanted to tie him down with the pregnancy because I know he lives in Europe.
Later on he left for Europe finally, he told me to always visit his parents, and the brothers was also there for me because they were always checking on me and keeps the communication going. Meanwhile I was not hearing from my so called boyfriend until the day I went to their house and now told his younger sister that I want to stop coming to their house since I don't hear from their brother, so she now opened up to me that his brother is going through stress over there with his baby mother.
So they told him about it, he now called me that I should please be patient with him that once everything is over we will get married because he was fighting to take the child from the mother over there.
I was in Nigeria waiting, he never visited Nigeria again, after six years of waiting, there was no plans of him coming. I hardly hear from him though is brothers were always coming to my house to check on me and tell me to be patient that he will come. So as God will have it, during this period of waiting I got visa to the United States were I'm currently living now. When I got here I decided to call his brother to tell them I'm no longer in Nigeria, they were shock because I didn't tell them I was planning to travel.
So they called their brother and told him about it, he was not aware of my traveling because he was not calling. So when he was told he started calling, begging for not calling me, that he is still very much interested in me that he want me to be his wife which I agreed because I so much love him. Later on I found out he was married to a white lady and had two kids but one died, this was why he never came back to Nigeria and unknown to me, but he explained that it was the white lady that gave him roof over is head when he lost everything to the first lady.
We still continued with the relationship, he promised me marriage, he told me once he gets his passport, he will be coming to the state to start a new life with me, which I agreed. He got his passport this year and planned to come by December, last two months he lost his father so he decided to go for the funeral and see my parents before coming back which I agreed on.
To my greatest surprise when he got to Nigeria, he called me that the relationship is over between us that his mum has decided to look for a wife for him over there, I was dumbfounded.... Where did I missed it all these years? I tried to ask him what was the problem because that was not our plan, why the sudden change? He said I promised to help him with some money for his father funeral which I did but I was not able to send money to Nigeria because where we used to send money, they said they are having problem with the banking system of Nigeria, so I now asked my dad to help raise some money that I need it for something important which he did.
I now called to know where he is so that the money can be given to him, he said why will I involve my dad, that is a let down to him, this is a guy I don't owe a dime, even when I was in Nigeria he never sent me money. The only time he gave me money through his brother was when I lost my grandfather which is N2000.
And I overheard his mother telling him to tell me that I should stop calling, that she will look for a wife for him before he goes back to Europe. Aunty please I need your advice on how to overcome this sudden disappointment, and how to move on with my life.
Sorry is a bit long, I'm confused thanks God bless.

Truth is, right from the word go, he had his plans well mapped out to deceive, abuse and disappoint you, but for all the good reasons you were in love.
He doesn't tell you the truth but you were in love, he doesn't communicate with you but you were in love, he slept with you, got you pregnant and asked you to abort the baby, again you were in love.
He was looking for ways to milk you dry because he knew that you're no longer the village girl who was wowed by 'I live in the UK', and fortunately and unfortunately getting your father involved got to his nerves, so his mother decided to look for a wife for him.
Another possibility is that perhaps his mother wanted him to marry a lady who will stay with her in Nigeria while her son 'works hard' in the UK and sends money down to her. So when you travelled to US, her mother felt threatened and uncomfortable with your progress which is why she now want to get a wife for her son.
Again, why should you settle for a man who is still breastfeeding from his mother? Why should you settle for a man who doesn't know what he want in life and relationship? Is he the only man in the world?
I know that it hurts to love an individual who doesn't love you, but this is a better relieve because this is just not what you deserve as a lady. You don't deserve a man whose purpose of dating you is to exploit your emotions and leave you for another lady.
You need to brace up and thank God for saving you from a looming disaster. If God didn't favour you and gave you the privilege of travelling to US, maybe by now you would have been a slave to his mother. The fact is that when he returns to UK, he will definitely call to plead and ask for forgiveness, the challenge is if you will learn from this and thrash him like you don't care.
If you ask me, it's not too late to start all over again, and God is still faithful to bless you with your own husband in no distant future.
Cheer up and be hopeful, you're too beautiful to beg for love and affection.
With time you will realise that he wasn't what you needed in life.

1 comment:

  1. Gud one ma. Bt sometimes let us learn hw to reason wt our initiave hw can a guy will b treating u like dis n ur still saying dt ur in LUV wt him gosh!


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