Friday, September 2, 2016

I Wish To Remarry But Mum is Against It.

Trust you're doing well ma'am and your hubby too. God bless you for all your words of advice, inspiration and motivation to all. I have a challenge and I've been silent about it, afraid to tell anyone.
I got married in 2012 to a man I barely knew, I met him in 2011 December in church, he kept pestering me about marriage then and his mom too. I wasn't mentally ready as at when I did get married but I told him I will grow to love him and all.

But as soon as I took-in in Dec of 2012, hubby changed towards me and started travelling, for weeks he won't call or let me know where he was, even if I send him sms, he will only reply with a sentence or two.
Fast forward to 2013, after I put to bed he was around for a while, five months and then he left us again. And returned after two months plus and left almost immediately. Gradually I lost interest in him and the marriage because we were more like strangers, no intimacy whatsoever, no communication, even when I try to breach the gap his response just puts me off. At a point I will have to beg him for us to make love and he did as if I irritated him.
Finally we had an argument because he refused to renew the rent, and instead moved in to his mum's house and later said to me that the marriage was all a mistake, and that he'd like to move on with his life and I should do same. He has since changed his phone number and won't call me or send money for his son's upkeep. I even told him to come and see my family and tell them that he's no longer is interested in the marriage so they can return his dowry.
Thing is, it's almost two years now, and he has not contacted me or his son. He only wired N40000 to his son in June this year. I'm 35 and still want to remarry but my mum keeps saying that I can't because it's not biblical. I have prayed and prayed and is still praying but still I don't feel anything for him. I'm truly depressed, everyone except for my family thinks we are still married, and that he travelled out cos I'm ashamed to say my marriage failed, and I'm back home to my parents. What steps should I take please help me.

The first step to take is for your family to officially seek for reconciliation with his family. They are the basic witnesses to your marriage and when things are not working as they ought to, they can help mediate in your marriage and help resolve whatever differences that both of you may have.
In a situation where his family feels that the marriage is no longer workable or feasible between you and your husband, then your family will have no option but to return the bride prize and fulfil all the traditional requirements that is necessary for separation.
Then you may need to officially file for divorce proceedings so that you can move on with your life and decide what's best for you.
Truth is, nobody ever gets married and pray to divorce her husband but when the husband and wife no longer wish to live as man and wife or are willing to give their heart to make their marriage work, it's only noble for them to seek for the dissolution of the marriage so that the individuals will have the freedom to go for what he or she desires.
Again, no matter the opinions of others and their perceptions to your decision, you are the only one who is responsible for your decision and your needs as a lady. Seeking for approval from anyone will only make you live in bondage for the rest of your life.
You are the one who knows what you need, what you deserve, what you desire, and what you wish to do with your life. Your decision may not be comfortable with those around you but if you are at peace with your decision, and it is what you are convinced to do at this point in your life, please do not allow anyone to make you feel inadequate because of their perception.

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