Saturday, September 3, 2016

My Husband is Uncomfortable with my Mother Staying with Us.

Good morning mummy, I bless God for your life and ministry.
I feel like I have the greatest problem on earth, I am so dejected, scared, helpless and hopeless. My mum contracted HIV from her fiance years after my dad died. He was very aware of his status and was taking medication without letting my mum know about it.
After my mum knew about her status, she broke up with him and started taking medication, but at some point stopped taking it at the accurate time. Years went by, my mum stood strong as both our mum and dad, she does not get any support from neither her family nor my dad's family.
By God's grace, I got through with my NYSC and married immediately to one of the sweetest man on earth. I started helping my mum with caring for my younger sibling(my kid brother is in 200 in school while my kid sister is in SS3). We were doing fine till last year December.
My mum was totally down, I went home even though I was two months pregnant and took her to the hospital, I spent over N300,000 from my personal savings and that was truthfully all I had. I stayed with her, away from my husband for three months but went back home when she got a bit stable. Meanwhile, her family totally turned their back against us and I took all the burden alone.
After some months, she started having a burning and painful sensation on her leg so I had to bring her to Lagos to take care of her even though I was still pregnant. We tried native treatment because everyone around thought it was poison. I guess the native concoctions destroyed her immune system and she started having more complications. My husband was really supportive because she has been staying with us for almost seven months now.
After delivering my baby a month ago, I took her to Igando general Hospital and we were referred to mainland hospital(IDH). My husband took us there two days ago. The doctor at IDH told us that my mum does not need admission, we got some prescription. My mum stools constantly, her stature now is almost like a skeleton, she has severe thrush, her leg still hurts her(kaposi sarcoma), she now coughs and always spits out stretchy saliva and the one breaking my heart now is that she cannot take food or even water down because she has a severe sore throat. Any time she takes her drug now, it hang on her throat and she has vomit it out. How can she get well if she is not able to eat or take her drug?
Now here is my problem: my mum's family are not buoyant and they all deserted us, no one is willing to come close at all, not even phone calls. My husband has spent almost all he has on my mum's health, and now his business is no longer doing well cos he is in a lot of debt. My baby is less than two months which means she is still too fragile to take on much stress of running around hospitals, I don't even have N10000 I can call my own for now. My husband is scared and uncomfortable with my mum staying with us because of the risk it poses on the baby(cough), my younger ones are so tender both mentally and emotionally to handle the problem and they are even in school, my mum is in serious pain and it hurts to watch her in this much pain. Even if she is to go to the hospital, no one is willing to stay with her from her family. Now it's affecting me to the extent that I act crazy most times, I am now so forgetful and my husband is confused and scared. Mummy, please help this confused and hopeless 25 years old girl that I am, please help me ma. What do I do? Who do I turn to? Why is God so close and yet so far from me? When am I going to start experiencing joy and peace of mind? What do I do to my mum? How do I relieve her pain and misery? Please help me because I am dying inside everyday, but outside, everyone around thinks I am having a great life, please help me, please.

I am sincerely sorry for what your mother is going through, it wasn't your fault beautiful daughter, it wasn't your mother's fault either, but you can only support her in your own little way for the rest of her life. 
You have done your best and God in heaven have seen the genuine love you have for your mother. Please cheer up, this is not a battle you can fight anymore, let's hand everything to God in prayers and allow him to take care of your mum. 
You are dealing with two precarious circumstances and one is very very risky and important that you don't play with it. I remember that you sent a mail and I suggested what you should do but you thought otherwise read» kaposi sarcoma  
Again, I will give you this suggestions and hope that you won't play with this information. Your mother is in the advanced phase of HIV and your baby is so so sensitive to anything and everything. 
The real reason why the hospital refused to admit her was because she can easily infect anyone around her. This they will not tell you. The coughs, the stooling, and other infections that is unknown to you poses a great danger to your baby who doesn't have the immunity to fight against these infections. 
You have to either take your child elsewhere or take your mother elsewhere so that you don't lose your child while trying to save your mother. 
Please I will suggest that you encourage your siblings to at least stay with your mother for sometime. Some schools are in holidays and you cannot continue to cater for everything alone, she's also their own mother and with proper guidance, your sister or brother can take care of her. 
Or you consider employing someone with the support of your husband who will stand in the gap to cater for your mother hopefully in your father's house so that you can have some time for your baby and visit her from time to time. 
You need to realise that failure to do so will be endangering the health of your baby. As regards to her inability to take drugs, you can grind the drugs and give to her to drink and you can go for liquid meals instead of the normal solid meals. 
Please make sure that you protect yourself from getting infected by keeping your environments clean, especially the toilet and also avoiding any blood contact. 
This is the advanced stage of HIV/AIDS and there is little or nothing you can do since she refused to take anti retroviral drugs which would have protected her from deteriorating to this phase of her life.
Please work towards either taking your baby out or taking your mother elsewhere, because your baby is too tender for such an environment and I have no idea how spacious your accommodation is for both of them.
I pray that God will intervene in your husband's business and give you the grace and wisdom to manage this without losing yourself.

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