Saturday, September 3, 2016

Should I Go Back to my Ex Or Stay With My Current Partner?

Good day ma, I'm a lady of 28 and at my age I still find it difficult to keep a stable and definite relationship. It makes me feel like I'm temperamental and lack a sense of direction and focus. Before now, I was in a relationship with a single father of two who is in his early 40's. I loved him...I really did, but the problem I had with him is that he is very hot tempered and screamed at every slightest provocation.
Even though I hated his erratic attitude, a part of me still yearned for him... Somehow we broke up the relationship because it felt as though we didn't really understand each other.
I met another guy who lives a bit far from me, apparently in another state. We have been good friends on social media for a very long time though. I found myself falling helplessly in love with him... He was aware of this and even indicated the same interest. But the problem is that he gets skeptical about the distance between us. He was in a relationship that was almost at the verge of marriage before it crippled.
According to him, his fiancée jilted him a few month after he had engaged her. And each time I'm with him, he never stops talking about the damage the break up caused him... He is quite fond of me now, in fact he wants me to visit every time I have the chance. But I'm confused what he really wants with me, cos every time I ask him what he really wants, he keeps telling me to be patient with him as he needs time to recuperate...
I love him because he is sound in mind, spiritually mature, slow to anger and mild... He is patient with me, but I don't know what he really wants from me. To add to the confusion, my ex wants to make up with me... He is travelling out of the country by September and he wants to make up for all the wrongs he did to me...
Please what should I do? Should I go back to him or stay with the other guy that is yet to define what he wants with me?

After falling in love with a partner, you will definitely stand up to behold his personality, character, vision, purpose, hobbies and flaws. The first appeals to your emotions but the second appeals to your personality. In a situation where you are incompatible with his personality and there's little or no meeting point in your relationship, no matter how much time and effort you invest in the relationship, there will always be frictions and tension in your relationship. So the best suggestion would be to remain great friends and avoid any form of relationship with him, that's talking about your first partner.
In dating, you don't date a partner who is still recuperating from a failed relationship, or someone who is still longing for an ex in their lives. The reason is because they won't be in the right frame of mind to discern what they need or what they truly want in a relationship. They may end up looking for their ex in their present partner or end up abusing the present partner by inflicting the emotional pains and frustrations of the previous relationship on the current partner.
My suggestion would be to give him some time and space to heal of his pains before talking about relationship with him. When he is emotionally strong or stable, he will discern what he needs in a lady and then figure out whether you have those qualities that he desire in his wife.
You need to understand that not all relationships will lead to marriage, some may be to prepare you for marriage, some may be to warn you of the things to avoid, while some may help you discern areas you need to work on to make you a better lady for your husband.
You shouldn't feel temperamental or disorganised or discouraged but maximise every single moment you have to prepare yourself for marriage, get busy living, get busy loving, and get busy living to the fullness of your passion, and allow God to favour you with your own husband.


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