Saturday, October 15, 2016

Am I That Bad To Attract Irresponsible Men?

Good afternoon ma, I have gotten in touch with you about two years ago, your answer helped a bit, but now I am more worried.
I am 33 years old and a virgin, that is not bad cos I am not married, that is the part that worries me.
I am an only child of a pair of divorced parents, my mum is late and I am not particularly close to my dad.

I never believed I will still remain unmarried till now, I get lonely sometimes, I crave to love and be loved, I have vowed to remain a virgin till I get married, but I am a human being, it can be very depressing when the sexual desires come up, I seriously believe in Jesus, so I keep telling myself premarital sex is the sin of fornication.
I am hardworking, social, decent, fairly attractive  and honest. I don't just know why I am not attracting a good Christian man that has a personal relationship with God, the men come few and far between, with a lot of flaws, if they are not married, they are lazy and not hiding it, some will even make it look like they are doing me a favour by approaching me at all, I make sure I am not rude when turning them down, but a lot of times, I wonder if I am that bad to attract such irresponsible men.
I have prayed and fasted to God to help me, if there is anything I am doing or not doing.
I have gone for professional counselling, to know if there is any issue, I was told I am a well grounded and rounded person. I am not looking at what the man has or doesn't have, I am more concerned about who he is spiritually, mentally and morally. I am not a gender equality person. I desire to be married and stay married in a loving relationship, I want to have legitimate children. I keep praying for God to give me my own husband, I believe He will answer me, but I am human, so I get worried at times. I don't want to start changing church or throwing myself at the few good guys I see around. What should I do? You can check my Facebook page, maybe I am not beautiful enough or do not dress properly enough.

I understand your pains and concerns and I know how challenging it can be to desire love, intimacy, marriage, and wake up everyday with no prospects, no friend, and no serious commitment towards getting married. 
God is still faithful to give you your heart desire and he's never late when it comes to fulfilling his promises for your life. Please do not lose hope, do not give up, do not get drowned in your worries, do not let the devil make you feel that you are not beautiful enough or lovely enough for marriage. 
I will suggest that you hold unto your convictions, and open your heart to make friends, most times God gives you a raw material so that both of you can work together to refine your perception and personalities. 
If you are looking for a perfect born again tongue speaking man to marry, you may never find one, but if you are willing to humble yourself, appreciate the man who have a personal relationship with God and help him overcome his flaws or shortcomings, maybe both of you may end up as husband and wife. 
You shouldn't underestimate the power of networking and living out your personality as an individual. Every product needs some form of advertising to reach to the consumer. Every woman is looking out for some qualities, every man is also looking out for some qualities that they admire, and what we are attracted to determines how long the person may remain with you. 
Attend programmes, camping programmes, seminars, expositions, interact with individuals who share the same values with you. Don't evaluate anyone based on the church they attend but let it be based on his attitude and attributes as an individual. 
Give your relationship time to grow and don't be in a hurry to terminate the relationship especially if the flaws are something that can be managed or worked on. 
Nobody is irredeemable and nobody is without one form of weakness or another, but it depends on your mental, emotional and psychological capacity to be patient and open your heart to help him become better than who you met that will determine whether both of you can live together or not.
You are beautiful, and I pray that God will grant the very desires of your heart in Jesus name Amen.

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