Wednesday, November 30, 2016

My Fiancé Is Very Dirty.

Good evening ma! Please I need your candid advice and opinion! I'm confused! Am a 23 years old girl currently serving. I'm this kind of person that finds fault easily and I don't just let go.....
Last year September I got into a relationship a long distance relationship, I liked the guy so much because he was kind,
attentive and caring even he was a smoker, a non Catholic and from a town I never wanted to get married to. I loved him, I didn't allow it to stop me from liking him. I told him I didn't want to have sex with him till marriage which he agreed but along the line something happened and we had sex and I found out his penis was so small I didn't feel anything and didn't even last long or even small.
I still endured and kept on telling myself that sex is not the major thing in marriage, that if I could endure the fact that he smokes that I can endure him, I still loved him but each time he wants to have sex with me he would stand and fall almost immediately and nothing will make him stand and he will end up wasting condoms but I still did not blink.
This guy was always telling me about marriage o, he introduced me to the family and he also knows mine. He sometime told me he likes ladies that studied medicine meanwhile am a paramedical student but I didn't know he was serious so when my call-up letter came out and I wasn't posted where he is working, he became furious and wanted me to redeploy but I refused with the reason that God knows why it happened that way.
After I went to camp he started changing, he stopped calling frequently like he used to claiming he was busy with work and other things. I kept on complaining but he didn't change until I broke up with him, that was April ending this year. Now, while I was having issues with him, another guy came into the picture. He was just a friend at the time and we got along and he was always there to gist with me.
After a month or two, this new guy came to visit me and he liked me and wanted me to date him which I accepted because I wanted to forget the other guy and also I liked the new guy? When he came I told him if I would date him I wouldn't want sex to be involved he also agreed!
Inside me I knew I wouldn't fall this time around because of the previous mistake. Fast forward to August I went to visit him and to my surprise he didn't try touching me or making any move. I stayed there three nights and nothing happened, it made me respect him the more but I didn't like one to about him, his house and environment was very dirty and unkept.,
I just pretended and I told myself I won't visit again. While I was with this new guy my ex was still in contact with me but I didn't tell him I moved on. So he called me one day that he was coming to visit me around September, I agreed because I wanted to sort things out with him.
So when he came, we talked generally and he told me I should have patience with him that he is pursuing some businesses that he doesn't have time for love now or marriage, I just didn't say anything but I found a chat he had with his ex girlfriend where he told her he has *one pino pino tagged with him for now that she is a corper but he still prefers a medical doctor that he doesn't know why he is finding it difficult finding a mate that will fill his desire* in his words!
Note the chat was when we were still together. I was depressed but I quickly let it pass because I already moved on and I stopped thinking about marriage with him because of his size of penis and his behavior.
So this new guy we got along so well and became very close and communicated often. I knew he wanted to settle down and I liked him enough to marry him. We planned on seeing again and he came this November to visit me. Before he came, he mentioned I might even follow him to where his parents is residing and I agreed. This guy doesn't say much, he keeps things to himself and he plans and executes everything without asking for anybody's opinion.
So he came and after a day he proposed to me and asked me to marry him. I agreed because it has always been what I wanted because he has almost all the qualities I wanted in a husband. We went to see the parents and he came to see mine the following week...
Note he was on annual leave because his job is time consuming, so he went back. Honestly am happy he proposed but my problem and confusion now is : where he is living! I hate dirty environment, I don't even know how to tell him I can't live in that house with him, I don't know the best approach to tell him because he is strong willed and says little. How do I tell him about the house and environment? Another problem is ever since the engagement, he hasn't said anything or talked about any plans except that his father seems to be the one making the move for him or they are discussing about the process. It will be the dad that will call me and ask me questions and tell me the next move.
I have always known my fiancé doesn't like talking much and hardly says his mind especially when he thinks that you should know or when he thinks it's not necessary.. I complained severally to him that he should try and carry me along, he would just say you know me already but he will try his best but I will have to ask him before he tells me anything. I complained to his immediate younger brother, he told me that's his life style that he doesn't talk or chat unless it's about football or politics, that he doesn't even tell him anything or tell anybody anything!
I'm currently bordered about how to handle his self-keeping and quiet nature, not discussing things with me unless I ask and the fact that I will need him to pack out of his present environment because I can't imagine staying there after wedding.
Please my story is long(**yawns... very long), aside this two factors he is perfect in every other side and I'm confused because I can't let the two problems go.....
Note: the same confusion made me reject the other guy because of his penis size , town and change in character. I don't want to lose my fiancé and am scared of what the future holds for me if he keeps keeping to himself.

There's no marriage that succeeds without communication between the husband and his wife. It's quite different from individual traits and personality differences.
The challenge of getting married to a man who doesn't carry you along is that you may be married to him but you will be living alone with him. 
As much as not everyone is expressive, there's a need for you to break the chain of silence and learn to express yourself and help him understand the importance of mutually communication, understanding and support of each other.
If you are already feeling neglected and bored, it's a negative vibe that may have an adverse effect in your marriage. 
He owes you some accountability, courtesy, and sincerity so that you can at least know his intentions and thoughts, and know ways to synergize with him to achieve the vision for your marriage. 
As regards to his personal hygiene and environment, I believe that it's something that both of you can work on and address where there's mutual respect in your relationship. 
The bottom line is, don't keep quiet when you have so much to on your chest, don't pretend to be comfortable with something that you know you cannot tolerate. Don't hide your personality to receive a marriage tag because you will struggle to adapt to your fake personality when you get married and find out that you can't cope with suppressing yourself anymore.

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