Tuesday, December 6, 2016

My Brother-in-law is a Thorn in my Marriage.

Good day ma, God bless you richly for your advice you have been dishing out. Please ma I need your advice on this issue.
I am married to the eldest son in the family. after our wedding, my hubby and I agreed that his youngest brother would come and stay with us because he works in another state, so it's going to be myself and my brother-in-law in the house so that I won't feel lonely. 

Months into the marriage, I got to know that this my brother-in-law is one person that they revered so much in their family, that if he says yes, they will all agree and vice visa, so I decided to adjust.
When I gave birth, I don't know how he managed to convince my hubby to bring in a girl into our home. I was not even told that someone would come to stay with us. I confronted my hubby, he told me that the girl lost her father when he knew her, so he decided to bring the girl into our house.
Note: The girl is a student, has her own hostel, her mother and siblings are in another state. She is older than me with months. 
As time went on, if she does something good, I praise her but when she does something bad and I caution her, she will tell my brother-in-law whom she shares a room with and he will then tell my hubby thereby causing problem between us. My brother-in-law now makes me feel like a bad person by telling me that I should endeavour to make the girl happy, this is coming after one year of the girl staying with us.
When we had our last fight, I told my parents-in-law who are aware that their sons brought home a total stranger without me knowing, their mother started shouting on me that why should I expect my hubby to seek permission from me before bringing in someone? I was shocked but I kept quiet, my brother-in-law even told them that I was jealous of her because she made sweet egusi soup when she followed me to my parents-in-law's house on the order of my hubby which is not true.
Though we have settled, please ma advise me on how to reply my brother-in-law when next he raises the issue of making the girl comfortable again.
Whenever he raises such issue,I usually get angry.
Ma in addition, he said he wants my hubby and I to change our church, after the long talk, he asked me if I had anything to say, I told him no, instantly his countenance changed. He said he discussed it with my hubby but my hubby did not agree, he now said that he will continue to persuade him. In fact the summary of everything is that he interferes in the affairs of my home and my hubby is not helping the matter. 
During one of our fights when my parents-in-law summoned me, my mum-in-law accused me of planning to scatter his children. hmmmmmmm, ma please advice me on how to deal with this kind of person. Thank you ma.

For the remaining time he will stay with you, please desist from discussing or disclosing anything to him. Don't gist, don't share, don't discuss, don't teach, even when he has something to say, don't even listen to him. If you are bored and don't have anything else to do, pick up a book and read or pick up your Bible and study it. 
Get busy in such a manner that you won't have any time to discuss anything with him, except good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. 
The second thing you must do is that you need to let your husband know that you're more lonely now than you were when you were staying alone. You need to find ways to resist your brother-in-law's influence in your marriage, his influence seems to be too strong in your marriage in such a manner that whatever he says is what happens. 
God didn't design marriage to maintain two brothers but for a man to leave his family and friends and be united to his wife, share and invest his life with his family. If he wanted to maintain the relationship between the brothers, he should have married his brother so that both of them can live together and decide what happens in his family. 
Third party influence in a marriage have a tendency to crush a home if it's not managed or contained. Your brother-in-law seems to be the thorn that's gradually tearing your home apart. 
If his influence cannot be contained, then your husband will have to choose between you and his brother and his marriage, so that you won't have to be a slave in the hands of your brother-in-law, house help, and his family.

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