Friday, January 13, 2017

I'm Afraid Of Planning the Future with Him.

Aunty Amara good morning, I thank God for you and your good work. Please I need your advice. I got married on November 2014 to a man I thought I knew well enough, but few months into the marriage he said he doesn't want the marriage anymore.
It was very hard for me to understand. He became a beast, abusing me psychologically, mentally, emotionally and threatened my life and his life. He talked about suicide as if it is nothing. I was confused but with time I began to see things for what they were. I found out he is mentally troubled . He has 'borderline personality disorder' (how I found out is a story for another day).
Fast forward to May 2015 the marriage officially ended. It was drama filled but I'm alive to tell my story. I will come back to give a full detail of what happened if not for any other thing to educate others who are going through the same thing.
To the main story that brought me here, after I left his house I started responding to many massages in my inbox that I previously ignored. I guess I needed to fill the emptiness that I felt at the time. But soon I got used to a particular guy, who happens to be my school mates brother. I told him everything that happened and wasn't judged. Day after day, the chat became more serious but I was not ready, I needed time to heal, so I told him my intention to discontinue with whatever it was we were building. But before we ended it he mentioned to me about getting a white woman pregnant for paper purposes as he is based abroad. I guess that helped to fuel my decision to leave because I don't want another story.
For months we were not in any form of contact but towards the end of December I saw a picture of him and his baby girl on Facebook and commented congratulations. Few minutes after my comment he sent a message and we started chatting again. I can not say I'm over the heel in love with him yet but I like him a lot. Even though I like him, I don't want any baby mama drama, especially knowing we can't stay together at least for the few years of our marriage due to his paper are not complete yet. I told him I want my family together, I don't care where we base, all I'm concerned about is having my family together. He promised to do something about it when he can but I'm still afraid and need an advice.

He's not single, he's not emotionally available for a relationship or marriage, and I don't think that he's the best person to date or plan a future with. 
Whether it's a paper marriage or not, he's married, and the best you can do now is give him some space to face his marriage. If he's single or perhaps divorced, you can talk about the 'future' with him, for now he's someone's husband, and courtesy demands that you respect his decision and home. 

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