Friday, April 28, 2017

How Do I Plead with Him to Recognize His Daughter?

Good afternoon Mam.  Thank you for doing a good job. My story is long but please bear with me.  I'm from South Africa. 
A few years back I met a very loving and kind God fearing man from Nigeria.  We started off as friends, since I wanted to know his ways first.  Where I come from, we were thought many bad things about Nigerian men in SA but my experience with him thought me otherwise. 
In time we fell in love and started a life together.  He introduced me to his family,  (over the phone and social media) and he started knowing my own family. As time went by, I got pregnant and advice from his family was that we get married. We are both Catholic but decided on getting blessed at a Born again church where we attended. 
During my pregnancy he started changing. He ended up sleeping with a friend of mine and many other girls whom he would even at times give money to. 
Every time I found out he would beat me up,  something he never used to do.  I gave birth through a C-section since me and my baby almost died but thanks to God we made it.  During my pregnancy I found out that I am HIV positive.  Due to the kind of Job I was doing, we were required to do regular HIV TESTS, so when I met him I knew my status. I had learnt to forgive and not blame him.  Even though at times I would wonder if it's one of his girlfriends that actually infected us.
During the time I gave birth he was absent.  He would only come to hospital if I needed something. So by the time I got discharged, I found out that he is actually busy dating a new girl in the area.  He would leave me to struggle on my own, and the following night after I got discharged he never came home.  In the morning when he came, he beat me up in front of my baby and I lost so much blood.  I was never allowed to cry as well.
A few days after that he got into trouble with the authorities and ended up facing deportation. I loved him too much to see him in that position and did my utmost best to get him out of there. 
With a baby of two weeks old and a fresh operation, I went from one government department to the other, visiting him in the refugee camp.  Seeking for the help of lawyers, everything I had to do all by myself.  Again he had no one, everyone in our area was Igbo and he is Delta Igbo so they only treated him as their brother when there is alcohol and girls involved. 
For three years I was the only person in South Africa that he had. So we were back to him having no one.  After a few court cases and failed attempts to get him out, his lawyer was out of town by the time he had to go and sign him out to be released. 
Time wasted ended up on him being deported. I never knew that I will never see him again.  We always kept contact and we would make plans for either one of us to travel, in order for us to be together again.  Until recently, he started ignoring my phone calls so I used a private number to call him, then one girl answered his phone.  I asked for him and  he started scolding me for using private number. 
I concluded that he intentionally ignored my calls when he was with this girl. What made me furious was that this girl had access to his phone. She took my number and called me from her own number telling me to leave him alone, that he has a life with her now and I should go and look for a father for my child.  He started ignoring my calls again, then I texted him, asking if he at least told her about the HIV status. He would only put her life in danger as well. Because of that text my whole world came crumbling down. 
All those times this girl had his phone and read the text that I have sent to him. He involved his family and lied, he told them that I actually sent the text to this girl in which I swear on my life that I never did. 
Due to this everyone, including his sister to whom I am so close to started ignoring me,  turning their back on my daughter.  I would try to call him, when he is not around this girl would answer his phone and swear at me,  but when he is there she would act all innocent and make me to look bad.
He refused to take any calls from me,  even if I text him first and ask him to talk to his child.  Cos my daughter is turning 4 years soon and was used to talking to him on the phone. 
Now she will ask me where her father is, and that she wants to tell him something. But I don't have contact with him anymore.  It kills me inside. 
During those times, I started stressing so much that my CD4 count dropped very low and I lost a lot of weight. I cried to his sister but she just ended up ignoring me.  I just needed for him to at least be there for his child. I have accepted that he has moved on but how do one turn his back on his own flesh. 
While during his worst in SA,  I never once turned my back on him.  Pls aunty, what can I do?  How do I plead with him to recognize his daughter? What will happen to her if I am no more?

Your daughter is a daughter of the most high God, a bride of heaven, God's favorite and adorable baby. She's first a gift from God, before she's a child with an earthly father. 
The word of God made it clear that a father or mother may forsake his or her own child but that He will never forsake them. 
Please stop sounding defeated and crushed because he left you and decided to move on with his life. Stop begging him for acceptance and making him a god in your life. 
You loved him with all in your life while he was with you. To imagine that you endured all his wickedness and insensitivity, and still gave your best to help him is an indication that you are truly a beautiful woman with a heart of gold. 
He has moved on, and has chosen to abandon his child, move on with your life and work towards giving your best to your daughter. Being infected with HIV is not a death sentence, it's like every other infection that needs medical attention and good feeding. Focus on loving yourself and your daughter, groom your daughter to love herself and believe in God and in her vision. Let her know the reality of things, but don't sow seed of hatred in her. 

With time she will adjust to the realities of things, but try your possible best to stop begging for love or seeking for pity from him or his family. He has moved on, seal it up and trust God for the very best in life and love. 

1 comment:

  1. Awwwww... I can feel her pain.. I strongly support she move on with her daughter and forget him.

    Its pointless waiting and crying for him to come back!


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